Schizophrenia: Pros and Cons

Schizophrenia is much more than just being a screwed up psychopathic basket case nut. There are positive aspects too. What are the pros and cons?

First of all, if you’re schizophrenic, you have paranoid delusions of “persecution.” In other words, you think everybody is out to get you. Let me reassure you. If you think this, I can tell you there really are some people out to get you. Your boss probably. And maybe your wife. When you earn money your wife takes it and spends it, right?

You don’t.

Having people out to get you makes life more interesting. What if nobody cared? Is being invisible fun? Noooo!

Delusions of reference. This is where you think everything going on around you is directed at you. For example, the TV or radio is sending you a message, or people talking in a hushed group nearby where you can’t hear are talking about you behind your back. A con is that they’re probably saying nasty things about you. A pro is that if you’re important enough to attack, you must be very important indeed. Didn’t they nail Jesus to a cross?

The more important you are, the more people hate you. Ask George Bush.

Another symptom is the false belief that you have a terrible illness without proof, in other words, you’re a hypochondriac. A con here is that every time you have an ache or pain, beads of sweat will break out on your forehead, and you’ll tremble and assume the worst.

A pro is that because you’re convinced you’re seriously ill, you can demand and get others to do things for you, because you’re ill. Make dinner for me. Make the bed. I’m sick you know. Take out the garbage. I’d normally do it, but I’m sick. This can be very comforting and make life easier.

Yet another symptom of schitzo is the delusion of grandeur. You believe you are a very special person. Gee! This must be a negative, a con. I wouldn’t want to believe I’m special, even though Mister Rogers told me on TV that I was for years. I’ve always wanted to be a nobody. Let Paul McCartney believe he’s somebody special. He’s a skitso.

Other symptoms of schizophrenia are disorganized and slow thinking. I think we can throw this one aside and chalk it up to you’re being stupid. You can’t help that.

Yet another example is seeing, smelling or hearing things that others can’t hear. A con is that if you have these, you may be schizophrenic. A pro is that if you can do these…YOU MAY IN FACT BE GOD………AND DON’T YET KNOW IT! Wouldn’t that be something? You can now go up to your boss and say confidently, “keep it up Bozo. Just keep it up. See where you wind up.” That’s a real pro.

By the way, a woman in the office told me that I stunk. I couldn’t smell anything on me. We’re both schizophrenics, she because she can smell things that aren’t there, and I, because she’s persecuting me.

Finally, schitzos have difficulty understanding. They have poor concentration, poor memory, difficulty expressing thoughts, difficulty integrating thoughts, feelings and behavior. C’mon! How bad can this be? Our entire US Congress act that way. They got elected didn’t they? That’s all that matters.

That’s got to be a pro.

Schizophrenia is therefore not nearly as bad as it sounds.

Copyright 2006 by SammonSays.com