Vile Vials

There’s something about me that really angers people. A nice guy like me.

Maybe it’s because I’m so open, vulnerable, intelligent, handsome. I don’t know.

It’s uncanny how I have this innocent ability to infuriate. If I could just channel it, find a way to make money off it.

For example, I’ve taken my share of low blow cruel shots at work. I’ve worked for some vicious, sadistic, dishonest, scheming people.

I had a manager one time slam his fist on my desk in front of other employees over some trivial matter. Now, if I walk into his office and hit him, I’m up on charges of assault in battery. I have to spend at least a night in jail (I’ve already been once), pay a fine, money I don’t have, or do public service picking up leaves alongside the highway.

Back in the Old West, you could just shoot it out with the bastard.

But no more.

Nowadays, you have to take his insult, and if you want to keep your bill paying job, until it gnaws at your guts.

There’s a better way to deal with these people.

Leave them some earwax.

Let me explain.

If you know anything of history, you might know people in Victorian times used to give locks of their hair, usually preserved in a glass locket, as a loving keepsake. This was sweet. But if parts of you can be used for expressing affection, why not disdain?

If you have a plugged ear, remove some of the wax (safely, not with a Q-tip), and place it in a small glass vial.

Walk to your mean boss’s office, look around, make sure he’s gone, and place the vial on his desk. Then leave.

If he’s a real sadist, and if you’re lucky, he’ll think it’s cinnamon and mix some in his coffee.

You think this is petty? We live in petty times. I think the saying is, “give me men to match my mountains.”

I mean, c’mon! Some people really deserve it. Look at government officials. You say to yourself, what rock did they find this guy under?

I had a supervisor who called me behind my back “worthless.” You really have to say to a guy like that, “thank you for having faith in the potential value of a single human being.”

Another boss told me, “I wouldn’t give you the sweat off my (body part - dirty expletive deleted).”

Right then and there, I made the determination to give him the sweat off my (dirty expletive deleted).

I went to a sauna and sweated some sweat off my expletive.

I put the sweat in a small vial (excellent small glass vials can be purchased at any gold prospecting shop near you).

I put the vial on his desk.

Copyright 2006 by SammonSays.com