The Philosophy of Naaa-Yuck

The philosophy of naaa-yuck (literal translation from Tibetan to English means… no more yuck), encompasses approaching a god-like state by simply throwing off the shackles of stupidity, and vulgar animalisms.

Only by achieving a superior caste, at the very least, one notch up from the village idiot stumbling in manure that you possibly are now, can you find any hope of redemption.

If we are to achieve a karma of grace…..we must put an end to yuck.

First off all, if you inhabit a domicile with another, don’t finish at the sink in the morning after rinsing your mouth and leave silvery or green goop globs of spit or stomach bile on the white porcelain in the bottom of the sink for the next person to see.

Are you a cow, a hog? Strange, unidentifiable patches of jelly-looking mess, glistening revoltingly like a prism in the bright bathroom light.

Clean it!

Even worse. If there’s something left on the toilet seat after you’re done. You going to walk away and treat your partner coming in later to a horror show matinee?

Was Darwin wrong, in your case? Have we evolved one iota since originally we were a pair of slimy slugs oozing our way out of a primordial sea?

More tips:

Don’t think your car is a safe hidden place to pick your nose. If you do, you’re a cretin who’s in denial.

Don’t blow your nose at the dinner table in front of other people.

Believe it or not, the Renaissance and Reformation actually did happen, and times moved on.

But you’re still living in the Middle Ages.

If you’re infected with a virus and need to blow your nose, go off somewhere like the germ-ridden wretch you’ve become, and do your gurgling in private, preferably in the dark. You’re trying to prove there’s at least hope of some upward movement here.

If you feel the need to break wind (I won’t use the vulgar F word) at a fancy banquet, you better squash it. Pull the chair seat up towards you with your hands, and sit harder on it.

You have twelve centuries of morons who came before to convince you’re better than they were.

If you fail and break wind in a silent room of fifty people with a loud trumpet of bowel-originated noise….don’t look at the person next to you. That’s adding dishonest cowardice as well as disgust to your list of crimes.

Instead, do penance. Slink off like a whipped dog and never speak to any of those people again.

Shame is a big part of the philosophy of naaa-yuck.

I don’t preach anything I don’t practice.

I once became very ill on a long airline flight, but made the decision not to make a spectacle of myself in front of a hundred passengers…I held it (I never considered using the plane’s toilet. It was too cramped. And I thought it might result in spraying stuff all over somebody‘s rooftop below).

The plane finally landed, hours later.

I got off the plane, and got on a bus, rode the bus, got off the bus; got to the hotel, got the key to my room in the hotel, walked through the door into my hotel room, shut the hotel room door behind me, walked into the bathroom….and puked my guts out.

Is that determination or what?

That’s why I am a high priest of naaa-yuck.

Copyright 2006 by SammonSays.com