Kiddie Kriminals

With so much to worry about, terrorism, war, West Nile Virus, did Paula Abdul have sex with a contestant . . . there is a much more insidious enemy out there . . . and they could be living in your city . . . on your street . . . in your house. The police call them . . . CHILDREN. If you see one, don't try to apprehend it yourself, contact your nearest law enforcement agency, they know how to handle these dangerous heathens.

Case in point, Fresno, CA where police were lucky enough to nab one of these über-threats this past April. The suspect is an 11-year old girl. Using three police cars and a helicopter, authorities were able to snare the cunning little girl. In what was obviously a gang-related incident, the ruthless moppet had retaliated against a group of boys who were pelting her with water balloons by yelling at them to stop, then picking up a rock and throwing it at them. We can only thank God authorities were able to put out a wide enough net to bring the pubescent punk to justice.

You might think we would be throwing the keys away on this one, but no . . . so far she's used her mouthpiece to great effect, only spending five days in detention where they even granted her a single thirty minute visit by her parents. When are we going to stop coddling these schoolyard scofflaws? After detention, they gave her the Martha Stewart release and placed her under a thirty day house arrest. Yet the whippersnapper's shyster is trying to make us feel sorry for her.

"They're treating her like a violent parole offender," Richard Beshwate said. "It's not a felony, it's an 11-year-old acting like an 11-year-old."

Thanks for making my point, Mr. legal eagle, she's an 11-year old, one of the worst types. But this lawyer has gone too far this time, you know he's got to the other side when one of the kids throwing water balloons has fessed up that the bladder bombers had started the fight. Ha! You don't see adults retaliating so easily.

At least the police see this for what it is.

"We responded. We determined a felony assault had taken place and the officers took the actions that were necessary," said Fresno Police Sergeant Anthony Martinez.

Amen, Sergeant. The sooner we get these warring whelps off the street, the sooner we can have a shorter wait at the water slide.

The accused is due back in court next month. Maybe justice will finally be served.