Forever in My Heart - Chapter 6

She waited for the soft tap on her door but it never came. Soleil liked to think she was relieved that Freddy didn't wake her up for their morning ritual, but somehow, she felt a pang inside her.

It doesn't matter...I'm leaving today, anyway, she consoled herself.

There was something on the floor near her door - a brown envelope marked “Sunshine". He must have slipped it while she slept. She hastily opened the flap and found a thin booklet.

I intended to give you this last night, but didn't get the chance. I hope this will help change your mind about me...” His note on the first page read.

Soleil turned on the pages and found a collection of his poems obviously scripted at the beach, all written for her.

Freddy was not only a good artist, he was also a talented writer - a quality she had been searching for in a guy. But why did he have to be a cousin? she thought in dismay.

His verses touched her heart deeply, but they were in a helpless-no, hopeless condition.

She came out for breakfast refreshed after an early bath. Please don't let them see my dampened soul, she prayed.

You've been up all night?” Her father eyed her with concern.

I had difficulty sleeping, and my head throbbed.”

Are you ill, or just too excited to go home?” Tita Gilda said.

Soleil tried to smile as she answered. “Both, I guess.” Then she looked at Freddy's empty chair.

Perhaps he doesn't want to see me anymore....

My big boy's butt is still snoring, I bet,” offered Tita Gilda, following Soleil's eyes. “Ramon, what time are you going to the pantalan?”

About five, maybe. We still have to buy our boat tickets at the pier,” Ramon replied.

In a way, it was also my fault that he exploded last night...

Why don't you drop by at the shop, then? I can ask my messenger to buy the tickets ahead to be sure. What do you think?”

I wish he would show up before we leave so I could tell him goodbye...

Sounds like a good idea. Remind me to give your Tita Gilda the money before she sets off today, Soleil. Soleil? “

Huh? I'm sorry, Father. What did you say?”

Por Vida, you have not been paying any attention!” Her father complained.

Let her be, Ramon. She's not feeling too well. Didn't you see her picking on her food?” Tita Gilda sympathized.

If she only knew...Soleil mused, and shuddered at the thought.

May I be excused now, please? I need to finish my packing.”

Wait, hija. Pepay! Pepay!” Tita Gilda called. See that Soleil doesn't tire herself too much. Help her with the packing, will you?”

Manang Pepay nodded and promptly headed for the guest room.

That’s not necessary, Tita. I can manage.”

Be a good girl and try to get enough rest, okay? You are not that strong yet. What would your Mommy Claire think if you had a relapse in my house? No, no, hija!” She wagged a finger at her.

Whatever you say.”

She stood up and kissed Tita Gilda warmly.

Thank you. For everything.”

She proceeded to her room where Manang Pepay was making up the bed. I will miss this grand lady, that's for sure...thought Soleil.

It's alright, Manang Pepay - I really don't have any more major packing to do here.”

You mean you just want to be alone!”

Not really.”

She kicked off her slippers and climbed up the bed.

What happened last night? Dodong Freddy was upset. I saw you two talking last night before he drowned himself with Fundador.”

Manang Pepay has her hands on the waist. A gesture that said she wanted to know what's wrong.

He was drinking last night? "

Exactly! And for the first time, at that. He never drank before. He gets crabby moods at times, but never as miserable as last night. I didn't know what's come over him, but I suspect it had to do with your little talk. Well? Tell me, girl.”

Soleil gave her a mournful “I can't!” and looked helplessly at Manang Pepay.

What is it with you two? I was glad when you came because I have never seen my Dodong Freddy that happy. He became alive because of you! Then things became strange and now it's worse. Drinking! Hah, I wouldn't want to know what his mother would do

if she finds out...”

No, Manang Pepay - don't tell her! You mustn’t! It's not his fault. I said something that made him mad at me.”

Then you better go and check him out. I have a key to his room. Let’s wake him up before Gilda begins to wonder. C'mon.”

Soleil hesitated, but Manang Pepay held her hand firmly. “What if he gets angry?” she said nervously.

That boy never gets angry with me, 'Langga. Trust me.”

They went up the steps to his bedroom. Soleil's heart was racing like mad. She wasn't sure of Freddy's reaction if he sees her sneaking into his room. Manang Pepay unlocked the door and they went in.

Susmaryosep!” The poor lady nearly stumbled into the cluttered things on the floor. His room was so dark, with the windows still shut.

Dodong Freddy...aren't you going to school today? It's nearly nine in the morning. You will be late, hala ka!” Manang Pepay motioned for Soleil who had been standing behind the door, to come in.

Go away...” she heard Freddy mumbling, and stepped back in hesitation.

But you need to get up now. What's wrong, boy?” Manang Pepay tried to talk calmly as she slowly opened the windows.

DON'T OPEN THE SHUTTERS!” His voice thundered.

Okay, okay... you didn't have to shout. You're scaring Soleil over there!”

Freddy turned his head at once and saw her silhouette by the door. He sat up and rubbed his eyes vigorously. “What does she want?”

I - ... " Soleil was at a loss for words. What was she doing here, anyway?

I asked her to help me wake you up. Everybody's wondering already,” Manang Pepay butted in.

Tell Mother I'll be down after my bath. And will you make me some black coffee, please.” He stood up and went in without even looking at her.

He still resents me, Soleil thought as she glumly walked down the stairs.

And perhaps, I deserve it, too.

Her bags were packed and ready, but Soleil wasn't ready to go.

She still had one final thing to do before leaving...

Daddy, I'm going to the beach for a quick last look. I won't be long.”

Sure, princess. But remember that we only have an hour before going to town.”

Her steps felt heavy as she reached her favorite place. It was just before sunset and the breeze was turning cold. She inhaled, trying to savor the fresh air for the last time.

I knew you'd come here to say goodbye."

Freddy.

She turned and there he was, looking tired and weary.

So this is where you're holed. You were supposed to be home from school at lunch time. Manang Pepay has been worried. What are you doing here and how long have you been sulking?”

Deja vu.”

He slowly walked towards her. “I’ve been here since ten o'clock. I skipped my summer class just for today, because my head and heart hurt.”

Must be a terrible hang-over.” Soleil felt her cheeks starting to turn red.

Oh, you knew. Well, it was worth it.”

I better go now.”

Without saying goodbye, Soleil? " He opened his arms and waited.

Soleil gave him a quick hug and said: “Goodbye, cousin. It was nice knowing you. Thank you and sorry for - whatever...”

You won't forget me? Promise?" he pleaded.

I have this and you got the sketch,” she showed him the crystal pendant hanging on her neck.

And my letters. I'll write you.”

No. Please, no letters. Things must end here and now.”

He let her go then. She walked away without looking back. June of 1976 was the summer she grew up.