Jesus Abduction: Amber Alert

A couple of weeks ago two young men dressed in dark suits knocked on my door. “Have you found Jesus?” Said the shortest one. I wanted to answer. “No, does he live around here?” Of course, I didn’t, but it did lead me to an interesting thought. Should we put an Amber Alert out for Jesus? And, how would we describe this man that some people have found and others haven’t.

Description: Short (about 5 feet five inches). Dark hair and stubbly beard and wearing a yarmulke.

Last Seen: Over two thousand years ago in the Middle East wearing a white robe, slightly soiled.

Distinguishing Characteristics Or Marks: Stigmata.

Last Person To See Him: His wife, Mary, deceased for two thousand years.

Family: All deceased.

Clues: No DNA evidence, no fingerprints, no clues whatsoever.

Friends: Several million people claim to know him, but when interviewed they all admit they have never actually seen the guy. Many people talk into their hands or pillows claiming the lost man can hear them, some kind of mass hysteria or group hallucination, collective insanity.

Pictures: Only portraits by artists that think they know what he looked like. Many of these artists are dead, cannot be interviewed.

Any Evidence Or Letters Left Behind: All were written by alleged friends, unable to interview. Friends are deceased. The Christ family tree is unavailable for investigation.

This case has been closed due to no evidence, no proof, no clues, no body, no motive for abduction, and after two thousand years the missing individual is presumed dead or non-existent. His portrait cannot be found on any milk cartons, but check out your local fundamentalist Christian chapel or call Jerry Falwell