The Wedding Plans and Lessons for Life
John Atwood
September 11, 2009
Weddings and all things associated with them are times of great joy. Of course the ladies might take a slightly different view with the obvious stress they feel when they are involved in the wedding process. Whether it is the bride, the mother of the bride or the maid or matron of honor those ladies can get really tense going through the whole wedding scene. If you don't know what I am talking about then all I can say is you haven't lived under the same roof with the bride or mom of the bride during the wedding preparations. Things that you would never dream about can become and do become the most glossal issues. I mean the color of the flowers on the tables at the reception can be a decision that requires an entire day and numerous phone calls to their friends and advisors. You guys probably wouldn't have any noticed if there were even flowers on the table much less what color they were. Believe me the ladies will notice and they will notice every detail. The typical wedding is logistically the equivalent of planning DDay.
The only thing I have ever noticed any of the guys get upset about is money. Just working out and agreeing to the original budget is an emotional and draining process with the ladies. Every time you suggest that something could be done cheaper or even done without, you will get that "look". You know like you have just besmirsched your own daughter's good name and that you have no heart but are merely Scrooge with a daughter. Then after the pain of finally agreeing to the budget you will find that the definition of "budget" is flexible to the ladies. There will be many items that crop up down the road that are in their minds "off budget" but absolutely necessary to the wedding. When you get that bill for $2100.oo for wedding photos and all the money has already been spent you will be told that they never planned on the photos being included in the budget! No one does that dumbo. Those extra rented folding chairs at the last minute--they come from the other budget--whatever budget that is. We fathers of the bride assume if she looks pretty, gets married in fact and is happy then everything is a succes. But that being happy part if the rub. They have to have all the details down just so or the happiness factor wanes. There is nothing to compare with the thrill of walking your daughter down the aisle or having that dance with her at the reception. You can only hope that you are young enough and doing well enough in your work or business that you will someday recover from the expense.
One wedding I remember very well to this day and it was not even for a member of my family. But that wedding and its aftermath encapsulated all those elements that make for true family. A close friend of mine had a very beautiful and talented daughter who was fresh out of college and became engaged. There were all the usual praises and offers of happiness and congratulations all round. Her intended was in his last year at Annapolis and set for graduation that coming spring. They were to be married right after his graduation ceremony. Shortly after the announcement of their engagement the yound lady was diagnosed with cancer. Both the diagnosis and prognosis were very grim. Many of us assumed that the wedding would be postponed or even cancelled. She took treatments and had surgery and had a period of remission. Planning that wedding was no piece of cake for her mom or dad. Even though she was in remision the outlook remained bleak. They did hold the wedding. The young man did not back out. It was a beautiful wedding in our church's chapel. The friends of the groom from Annapolis were there and the married couple walked out under the crossed swords at the end of the wedding ceremony. She was beautiful that day and looked so full of life and in wonderful health.
It was only a few months later that the cancer returned with a venegeance. The poor girl did not make it but a couple of months. They had their short time together and then they had to face the most difficult of times together. I wrote my friend after the funeral. I don't remember what I said exactly but I only tried to assure him of the worth of his daughter and her life and that God embraced her and had used her life to inspire and uplift those around her who needed that. My friend and his wife were naturally in real pain that lasted for a while or even their remaing lives. I am sure he thinks of that daughter every day.
Count your blessings and praise God for allowing us to have our time here. Every moment is precious and every opportunity to do good for another should not be passed. Love your family even when they irritate you or disappoint you. Uplift those who have stumbled and appreciate the blessings that are so many we mostly don't even acknowledge them for what they are.
"What you have inherited from your fathers, earn over again for yourselves or it will not be yours". Goethe. www.olcranky.wordpress.com
The only thing I have ever noticed any of the guys get upset about is money. Just working out and agreeing to the original budget is an emotional and draining process with the ladies. Every time you suggest that something could be done cheaper or even done without, you will get that "look". You know like you have just besmirsched your own daughter's good name and that you have no heart but are merely Scrooge with a daughter. Then after the pain of finally agreeing to the budget you will find that the definition of "budget" is flexible to the ladies. There will be many items that crop up down the road that are in their minds "off budget" but absolutely necessary to the wedding. When you get that bill for $2100.oo for wedding photos and all the money has already been spent you will be told that they never planned on the photos being included in the budget! No one does that dumbo. Those extra rented folding chairs at the last minute--they come from the other budget--whatever budget that is. We fathers of the bride assume if she looks pretty, gets married in fact and is happy then everything is a succes. But that being happy part if the rub. They have to have all the details down just so or the happiness factor wanes. There is nothing to compare with the thrill of walking your daughter down the aisle or having that dance with her at the reception. You can only hope that you are young enough and doing well enough in your work or business that you will someday recover from the expense.
One wedding I remember very well to this day and it was not even for a member of my family. But that wedding and its aftermath encapsulated all those elements that make for true family. A close friend of mine had a very beautiful and talented daughter who was fresh out of college and became engaged. There were all the usual praises and offers of happiness and congratulations all round. Her intended was in his last year at Annapolis and set for graduation that coming spring. They were to be married right after his graduation ceremony. Shortly after the announcement of their engagement the yound lady was diagnosed with cancer. Both the diagnosis and prognosis were very grim. Many of us assumed that the wedding would be postponed or even cancelled. She took treatments and had surgery and had a period of remission. Planning that wedding was no piece of cake for her mom or dad. Even though she was in remision the outlook remained bleak. They did hold the wedding. The young man did not back out. It was a beautiful wedding in our church's chapel. The friends of the groom from Annapolis were there and the married couple walked out under the crossed swords at the end of the wedding ceremony. She was beautiful that day and looked so full of life and in wonderful health.
It was only a few months later that the cancer returned with a venegeance. The poor girl did not make it but a couple of months. They had their short time together and then they had to face the most difficult of times together. I wrote my friend after the funeral. I don't remember what I said exactly but I only tried to assure him of the worth of his daughter and her life and that God embraced her and had used her life to inspire and uplift those around her who needed that. My friend and his wife were naturally in real pain that lasted for a while or even their remaing lives. I am sure he thinks of that daughter every day.
Count your blessings and praise God for allowing us to have our time here. Every moment is precious and every opportunity to do good for another should not be passed. Love your family even when they irritate you or disappoint you. Uplift those who have stumbled and appreciate the blessings that are so many we mostly don't even acknowledge them for what they are.
"What you have inherited from your fathers, earn over again for yourselves or it will not be yours". Goethe. www.olcranky.wordpress.com
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