Forever In My Heart - Chapter 3

After that, they would go to the beach at daybreak.

Freddy would wake her up with a tap on her bedroom door.

Sunshine, “ he would say.

It was like a magic word with which she began her mornings. They would walk the short distance together, sometimes talking, sometimes in silence. At the beach, when she was done with her meditative readings and he with his sketches and scribbles, they would sit and watch the beautiful sun rise up.

Sometimes, they would stay on and build sand castles or catch mudskippers like kids. But mostly, they would just walk barefoot on the endless shoreline and talk.

Soleil learned that he was basically a loner. He didn't have many friends, didn't hang out late like boys his age, and never had any girlfriend. He read and wrote poems during his spare time, but his first love had always been painting.

He was taking up Fine Arts in one of the big universities here and would be on his last semester when school reopened. In all of her sixteen years, she had never met anyone quite like him.

Too bad he was a cousin. Why, oh why? You are getting out of bounds, silly girl!

Looks like your self-exile and treatment is doing you good. It's been only over a week, but you're looking better already,” Tita Gilda observed during dinner.

Yes, Tita. I don't know how to thank you for all the bother,” she answered.

Nonsense, hija. It's good to have you here with us. Freddy has finally found something else to do other than burying himself in those sketch pads. At his age, he should be out there enjoying life, instead of...”

I'll get it. " Freddy stood up when the telephone rang.

hiding inside his room.” Tita Gilda went on. “Look at him -tall and guwapo, but doesn't seem to be interested in meeting girls. I tried bringing him to parties but social gatherings bore him. I remember when he was still in high school...”

I left my partner when the music started to play because I didn't know how to dance on our Prom Night," Freddy finished the sentence for her mother.

He looked at the giggling Soleil and went upstairs to his room.

Who was that on the phone, hijo?" his mother asked, but he didn't even look back.

She didn’t see him again that night.

And although he woke her up in the morning as usual, she noticed something different about him. He looked haggard, like he’d been up all night.

They walked in silence today, neither of them talking. She wanted to break the silence by saying sorry for last night, but she didn't quite know what to be sorry for.

For giggling? Hardly. What am I feeling guilty about? she wondered.

At the beach, each of them went to their usual post : she with her Bible, and he with his stuff. After her quiet time, Soleil fell asleep while waiting for Freddy.

When she woke up, he was already sitting by her side, watching her keenly. He smiled an unhappy smile. “You sleep like a baby," he said, helping her up. “Can we stay here a while and talk? "

Hmmm, okay. What's on your mind? " she kept wondering about his somber mood.

That was your father on the phone last night. He's coming over three days from now to bring you home. ", he said grimly.

Oh,” was all she could say. Soleil suddenly felt the cheer creeping out of her. She was going home. She should be happy, but why wasn't she?

Silence.

She looked far into the horizon, sighing. Freddy was staring down blankly on the shell he was toying in his hand, his head bent down.

You must be raring to go home.", he said suddenly. “I bet, you miss your family and friends already. And I'm sure, someone special is waiting for you there.

" Yes...No. " She didn't know what to say. " But one thing for sure: one of us will be rejoicing when I'm gone. At last, you wouldn't have to put up with me anymore. Halleluiah! Good riddance!"

He grabbed her shoulders so hard, Soleil was shocked. " Listen to me! Don't ever say that! Can't you see how hard this is for me?” he said harshly.

Soleil was appalled by his sudden outburst. She didn't expect her little joke would upset him. " I'm sorry...." She didn't know why she suddenly wanted to cry.

Freddy cupped her small face with his hands and said : " Soleil, do you have any idea at all what is going on? I am attracted to you! I struggled so hard to fight this feeling, but I can't! This is crazy! I'm not supposed to feel this way but I do! Can't you see that?”

Everyday, I look at you and see the girl I've been waiting for so long. I tried to fight it, Soleil. I swear with all my heart. It scared me to think that you might find out and hate me. But when I realized you'll be going home, I was more afraid to lose you."

"No..no..don't say that. Stop!" She covered her ears and ran away from him. It was all too sudden, too much for her to handle. I can't believe this is happening, she kept saying as she ran.

"Soleil, please! Let me finish! " Freddy was running after her, gasping and shouting. She ran and ran, but he caught up and held her firmly.

Soleil, will you please listen to me?"

She stopped struggling. His voice was shaking when he continued: “Soleil, you have to understand something. I know this is insane, but I must tell you now or regret it forever. I think I love you, Soleil. Not as a cousin. It is wrong but that's the truth. You can hate me if you want but it wouldn't change what I feel for you. I'm not asking you to love me back. I just wanted you to know , if only to end this uneasiness inside me.”

Soleil wanted to get mad or feel disgust over his confession. It was wrong, improper and dangerous.

But...what's wrong with me? Freddy's open honesty intimidated her. She was scared.... of the truth...of her feelings... she didn't even know she was crying.

Please don't cry," Freddy tried to hug her but she stepped back. This is all wrong, she thought. It shouldn't have happened!

"Can we go back now...my head is throbbing. " she heard herself saying softly.

Are you mad at me, Soleil? Because if you are, I promise to stay away and not bother you again.”

Leave everything that's been said and done in this beach, and I'll forgive you.”

With that, she turned to go. Freddy walked behind her, glumly planting his feet where her footsteps had been. Both of them knew things would never be the same again between them.