What you didn't hear about Obama's Beer Summit
Dan Liftman
August 02, 2009
The much publicized "Beer Summit," between President Barack Obama, Harvard Professor Henry Gates and Cambridge, Massachusetts police sergeant James Crowley, with Vice President Joe Biden making it a foursome, took place Thursday at the White House. While the major media confined their reports to the conversations of the four men, there was much more they didn´t reveal.
President Obama announced the event as a "picnic" on the White House lawn. No food was served, though, to the dismay of others present at the gathering. Anne, queen of the ants on the White House lawn, and her husband, Prince Albert, expressed their disappointment without mincing words. "Some picnic," said Albert. "There wasn´t a single crumb." "Actually," said his wife, there was a big one sitting at the table. The President is a lousy host."
Of the four beers the men chose to drink, Obama´s Bud Light is the best known, although it is panned by most beer critics. A case of his beer was delivered with much fanfare by a team of Clydesdales pulling an old-fashioned beer wagon. A photographer later reported overhearing a horse identified as Fritz Pferd commenting, "I can´t believe Obama would drink that stuff. I´ve been around plenty of bars and I´ve heard it compared to our urine."
One resident of the White House seemed to agree. Charles "Chip" Monk, who lives in a tree in the back of the property, told a reporter from the Chestnut Hill Chopper, a blog, "I have a lot of experience with nuts. Obama must have a screw loose. He´d get a better buzz from Perrier than he will from that crap." Obama later reported hearing laughter a distance away, although he could not identify the source. The Chopper reporter, who goes by the name "Boston Blackie," revealed last night in his blog that the laughter was that of Monk and the horses, who had seen Obama´s dog, Bo, sniffing the case of Bud Light and lifting his leg over it.
Although little noticed, the Beer Summit continued into the night. After Obama and Biden treated Gates, Crowley and their families to dinner in the White House dining room, the four men retired to the screening room, where they continued drinking as they roared over a series of Three Stooges two-reelers (Obama´s favorite) and howled at Daffy Duck cartoons (Biden´s choice). Around midnight, after Gates and Crowley put their families to bed and Biden went home, the two met Obama downstairs where two butlers and a maid reported seeing the trio engaging in a series of "frat boy pranks."
According to the three domestics, the men got into a pillow fight, then ran around spraying each other with shaving cream, Cheez Whiz and "Silly String." As the night wore on, the President and his guests escalated their warfare to water balloons, leaving a small flood on the floor of the White House kitchen. The "mayhem" described by the butlers and maid went on for hours and around 3:00 a.m., the trio left in the President´s limousine. They returned within an hour and eventually went to bed after fist bumps and much laughter. Questions about where Obama and his guests went in the middle of the night were answered in the morning when Vice President Biden woke up to find all the trees surrounding his residence draped in toilet paper.
President Obama announced the event as a "picnic" on the White House lawn. No food was served, though, to the dismay of others present at the gathering. Anne, queen of the ants on the White House lawn, and her husband, Prince Albert, expressed their disappointment without mincing words. "Some picnic," said Albert. "There wasn´t a single crumb." "Actually," said his wife, there was a big one sitting at the table. The President is a lousy host."
Of the four beers the men chose to drink, Obama´s Bud Light is the best known, although it is panned by most beer critics. A case of his beer was delivered with much fanfare by a team of Clydesdales pulling an old-fashioned beer wagon. A photographer later reported overhearing a horse identified as Fritz Pferd commenting, "I can´t believe Obama would drink that stuff. I´ve been around plenty of bars and I´ve heard it compared to our urine."
One resident of the White House seemed to agree. Charles "Chip" Monk, who lives in a tree in the back of the property, told a reporter from the Chestnut Hill Chopper, a blog, "I have a lot of experience with nuts. Obama must have a screw loose. He´d get a better buzz from Perrier than he will from that crap." Obama later reported hearing laughter a distance away, although he could not identify the source. The Chopper reporter, who goes by the name "Boston Blackie," revealed last night in his blog that the laughter was that of Monk and the horses, who had seen Obama´s dog, Bo, sniffing the case of Bud Light and lifting his leg over it.
Although little noticed, the Beer Summit continued into the night. After Obama and Biden treated Gates, Crowley and their families to dinner in the White House dining room, the four men retired to the screening room, where they continued drinking as they roared over a series of Three Stooges two-reelers (Obama´s favorite) and howled at Daffy Duck cartoons (Biden´s choice). Around midnight, after Gates and Crowley put their families to bed and Biden went home, the two met Obama downstairs where two butlers and a maid reported seeing the trio engaging in a series of "frat boy pranks."
According to the three domestics, the men got into a pillow fight, then ran around spraying each other with shaving cream, Cheez Whiz and "Silly String." As the night wore on, the President and his guests escalated their warfare to water balloons, leaving a small flood on the floor of the White House kitchen. The "mayhem" described by the butlers and maid went on for hours and around 3:00 a.m., the trio left in the President´s limousine. They returned within an hour and eventually went to bed after fist bumps and much laughter. Questions about where Obama and his guests went in the middle of the night were answered in the morning when Vice President Biden woke up to find all the trees surrounding his residence draped in toilet paper.
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