Bear's Den: "Our Very Own... 'Darkly Dreaming Dexter'.. The Dog"

This is the time of the Raspberry Moon, and here on the Rez, we have ´em aplenty. In between working ´the job´ and doing vehicle and house chores, I´ve been picking wild berries as they ripen. Yep, and it was as I was picking a handful the other day, with the brown hound in attendance, that I decided this fact. Critters – be they domestic or wild – are similar to two-leggeds. Personalities exist in all of the Master of Life´s creations and… you take them or leave them… as they are.

Last night, neewa (my wife), went to a play down in the nearby city of Whitehall at the Howmet Playhouse along with all of the daughters. So, she was just coming in as I was leaving. Thus, putting the dog to bed fell to her. Well, as I came in this morning, our Chocolate Lab, Hershey, met me. He immediately began lamenting the fact that my domestic boss is mean and cruel to him. He reiterated that he´s prone to furnituritis (the unwilling and spontaneous contracting of his limbs, forcing his entire body up onto a piece of living room furniture when nobody´s around). This is why he must be restrained, with his leash, to sleep upon his pillow on the floor at night. Otherwise, he ends up on the couch in big trouble. But nooooo… he whined, she used to be fair and equitable to all. But ever since she caught ´the leukemia´… she practices favoritism, and only helps those severely afflicted. She has taken great care of our daughter, who was in the bad wreck, and seen to her every need. But, poor Hershey… has fallen by the wayside. His needs are sadly and tragically neglected. He told me this… with mournful eyes. Yeah, and as I looked at him, I figured – sure… how can I believe you, buddy – you´re a sociopath.

Yep, I´ve taken to calling the dog ´Dexter´ after the character in Jeff Lindsay´s books, which the TV series "Dexter" is based on. The domestic boss had forgotten to leash up old ´el pero´ (Spanish: the dog) and this allowed his malady to act-up. We don´t allow dogs on the furniture and never have; Hershey knows this. But, sociopaths have a psychopathic personality; they are antisocial and lack a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. They have no sense of right or wrong and have little regard for the feelings of others, but boy… can they manipulate others in order to get what they desire. To my mind, this… is our dog. He is, indeed, a fine looking animal, and women croon over him, calling him handsome. Oh yeah, and men are impressed by his physique, manner and stance. But all the while they´re petting him, telling him what a fine dog he is, he´s wagging that tail and masking his big brown eyes and saying – ´yeah, yeah – sure. Do have something to eat… or not?´ He could really care less what they think of him. One day, as the domestic boss and I were walking the trail, a 13-striped ground squirrel (looks like a chipmunk) made the mistake of leaping across our path in front of us. Hershey never broke stride; he snapped the rodent up, chomped once, and dropped it as unfit to consume. He just looked at us looking at the poor critter and thought, ´Boy, if I had a heart it´d be breaking right now´. He was patiently waiting for us to stop our dawdling and move on. I put the little animal down and we continued down the trail, but see? No remorse, no sadness from him – just… what´s the hold-up?

Now, don´t get me wrong, I´m not saying that this is abnormal – not at all. In fact, this is the essence of what an unfixed, adult male dog should probably be. He is, without a doubt, the most confident animal I´ve ever seen. This confidence comes from the absolutely knowing his own mind. But, like the serial killer in that TV show, he tries to hide his anti-social behavior and attribute it to things outside of his control. He also suffers from escapeism (the malady that forces him to take off and disappear whenever he takes a notion and is unencumbered by chain or leash. He shows up 5-6 hours later, feigning amnesia and chalking it up to ´escapeism´. But really, I know, and he knows I know… that he just decided that he´d go, and… he did. He will always do as he likes... whenever he can get away with it, and right or wrong never comes into his thought process.

Now, I may jokingly play with anthropomorphism (attributing human characteristics to animals), like say… pretending that the silly canine can talk. In case you´re wondering, I do know better. And sure, as I said, he is a very confident dog. For crying out loud he´s 63, in two-legged years, and the mangy mutt has more testosterone than a guy his age should possess. Yep, and it can´t be attributed to Viagra, either, because we don´t provide that as part of his care and feeding. But then, that also is part and parcel of his personality. You either take it or leave it – that´s the way this hound is. He´s got a lot of good qualities, and heck, he´s our responsibility. While he can be a pain in the lower rear posterior, he does have his merits. He´s territorial and I believe he would, without a doubt, defend us and his domain until his last breath. Still, all of this said – he ain´t fool´n me. He´s got a serial killer mentality… just like Dexter. But then, personalities exist in all of the Master of Life´s creations, and… you take them, or leave them… as they are.

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David Walks-As-Bear is an Inter-Tribal Elder and Kispoko Shawnee Indian. He works as a private game warden and detective captain, is a novelist and syndicated newspaper columnist living in Northwest Michigan. Contact him at The White Lake Beacon: 231-894-5356 or visit his website at: www.Walks-As-Bear.com