The Dorm Room--D-Day for Dads

Even after you have been married for 20 years or so there is still much to learn about ladies generally and wives and daughters in particular. As my oldest daughter neared that time to leave for college I was excited at the new adventure she was taking in life. I was also somewhat abashed at the cost for college and especially realizing that I had 5 more right behind her. I didn't have any qualms about the basic tuition, housing and board costs as they were know and to be expected. But as the fateful day neared I began to smell a rat--of Shakespearean proportions. I would over hear occasional comments between the little lady and daughter about things they needed for her dorm room. I didn't pay a lot of attention at first. After all how complicated can it be to move a few items of clothing and personal paraphernalia into a little 14 by 14 room to be shared by two gals? Well, I was about to find out how it equals moving the Chinese from one front to the other. Mr. Hobbs had nothing on me. When I went off to college I packed my stuff in the trunk and back seat and then went to pick up my new roommate and loaded his stuff in there also. Two guys, one car, a standard sedan, and we were done. When we arrived it took several trips up and down the stairs but we were done in about an hour and had our belongings arranged in the room. As well as two guys were going to arrange anything. Our dorm room was in the Athletic dorm so it was very military style. The beds were bolted to the floor as was the shared desk and there was one closet with a divider down the middle and some built in shelves. The window had blinds and the floor was linoleum. It was not air conditioned and that is why I noticed the older team players hauling in fans. That hadn't occurred to me. Sure wish it had. We put sheets on the beds that first time. After they got dirty we mostly just removed them and slept on the mattress and had a bed spread to pull up over it. Since it was the Athletic dorm all the football players had their room inspected at least once a week. It was always a random time so it was a surprize inspection. The freshman football coach was in charge of the inspections and shortcomings were punished with having to run the stadium steps. The Stadium was right across the street. I don't remember now but there were well over 50 rows so that was a lot of steps. You had to run up then then you were allowed to walk down but soon as you were at the bottom you made a u turn and went right back up. We were all young, healthy and in shape but still a few of those and the thighs burned and the lungs cried out for more air. The coach would never open your closet door nor open any drawers. But if they were open he would look into them. We had to mop and sweep our rooms at least once a week and the bed had to have the bed spread pulled up and tucked in military style every day by 10 am. So that was the kind of envoirnment I was used to when thinking ab0ut a dorm room and moving into one. That experience was nothing compared to what I was about to endure.

I got my first real doze of reality when I realized that our Suburban which was quite large wasn't going to hold everything they intended to take. We had to use my daughter's car and her mothers for just the clothes and personal stuff. Those hair dryers and whatever else was in all those boxes and bags. I mean there were teddy bears and just one box for shoes! How many flats, sandals and boots can one young gal need? More than you will ever imagine. I guess to women shoes are like peanuts when you try one you just can't stop there. Anyway I knew I was in for something when we had to caravan to college with three cars. I had assumed that I would unload the stuff in the room and closet and help her set up a few things and that would be that. But I now had a miniature refrig, TV and music stereo system and other unknown items lurking all over the house to pack up. I was also informed that after I had everything unloaded and carried up to the room I had to go buy carpet. Carpet! Yes, those young ladies don't like walking on linoleum and expect wall to wall carpet. Not only that you can't just grab some old sheets around the house and pillow cases. Everything has to be brand new. Selecting pillow cases can take an entire morning. The bed spreads and sheets are another adventure at the mall. It never occurred to me that you also had to have "window treatment" for the one window. I thought blinds would be fine. Why do women call it window treatment? I mean it is drapes they are talking about. So that was another project that had to be done on the move in day.

We arrived with enough stuff to outfit a small orphanage. It took hours to get everything up to the room. The stairs were very crowded with other dads doing the same thing, schelping their daughter's gear and you could forget the elevator. It took forever to have one and when the door opened it was always full to capacity. We got everything in the room. I went to get the carpet and then brought it back and had to cut it for the room configuration. Naturally, after much anaylysis and instruction to me from the ladies, they thought the carpet wasn't really the right color and were making comments about having to redo it. I think something about my beady eyeballs discouraged them from pursuing that thought further. Then the drapes had to be installed with much back seat driving by the ladies which of course included the roommate and her mom at this point. Try to satisfy 4 women at one time with the how high the drapes should be off the floor.

We had arrived early in the morning full of enthusiasm and spit and vinegar. Now it was dinner time and all I wanted was to be released from the involuntary servitude.

I must admit at the end of the day that room didn't look like a standard issue dorm room any more. The bed was cute the refrig was humming, the drapes were hung, even if a little crooked and my little girl was about to embark on her grand adventure. Seeing her there brought back strong memories of the little girl about 4 sitting on her bed playing with her dolls.

We made it home in time for the 10 o'clock news. I was exhausted. It was like working in the cotton patch all day with a hoe in August. So, guys, you are warned in advance. Just prepare for it. It is a major undertaking. Get used to it and be forewarned that the ladies will brook no dissent for this mammoth operation. I got to do it all over again twice more. Don't forget your camera. You can cry alone when you get home. www.olcranky.wordpress.com