See now Things are Different here for Dads?
Patrick Lockyer
June 21, 2009
See now things are different here. I often read of women working three jobs just to pay the rent. I am not in favor of that at all. I am hoping that the new Obama America will mean that the ones devoted to work will do so in some short measure for the ones less fortunate. I know that as a young man for a while I worked obsessively teaching people to drive in the UK which is quite lucrative up to a point. I had found a way to have my car work 12 hours a day five days a week and ten Saturday and Sunday. I was more or less compelled to just by weight of work. I had trouble finding trustworthy instructors to work for me. The one I tried out was loved by his clients but it turned out he wanted to take photos out in the woods? I only found that out by chance much later after I let him go for not being professional.
I do know that I never even thought about seeing the doctor ever. With the exorbitant gas tax I guess I was paying for all those confinements and births as I never met a couple or single parent who could not afford to have a child. I did know a few single parents having lessons that were subsidized by the system. Looking back I personally prefer to come down on that side of things than that I might have earned more and read of citizens going broke over a car wreck or illness?
As to the father thing. I certainly did my bit. I was not that happy I guess and my ten year marriage was very much drooping. I gave up on all my new found wealth after a frugal nine years in the army and went north to start all over again with a lady I had fallen for, who just happened to have three young sons. I did not give the change of wealth much thought and accepted a one bedroom seasonal caravan (trailer) to start over in. I made a contraption with canvas and timber to accommodate all three boys aged one, three and five that slept them quite well and collapsed during the day behind the couch. The luckiest thing was to get the offer of a rental home in Peterborough with only a few days left before the caravan site closed for the winter. We travelled there and were impressed with the agent treating us as though we were buying. We did end up buyers much later. We moved there cock-a-hoop. A great new start for us all.
I was lucky to be able to work the least and get some help as we rebuilt our new existence. We were able to get our place carpeted on the basis of ´pay us when you can´ and we always stayed friends with that guy. My new wife did not work for the ten years of our marriage and yes it ´bit the dust´ also eventually. They do say that the second one is just as vulnerable as the first and very likely to go the same way. Most of our problems were about lack of communication over time. The point I wanted to make though was that I was able to be a good step father and was able to allow my wife ´respite´ so that she could do other things than ´mothering´. She was an avid keep fit fan. It added to our demise. We started out in 76 and had our daughter in 78 and our second daughter in 80. So we were a big family and went away to camp for the summer six weeks with me returning to work just for a day or two. We got no help from the father of the boys and there was no collection process for alimony at that time. The father had failed as a husband and a dad and was not feeling any consequence. He was five thousand English pounds money in arrears and there was no CSA to monitor him. We also had to travel all the way to his locale to try and recover anything and it did not work. The only way at that time to get him to contribute was to claim benefit and times were hard with trying to make ends meet with scant lessons and seven mouths to feed. These days there would be the correct collection and we would still be able to develop our ability to earn. Life for us would have been entirely different with the help of the CSA to ensure income.
As to being a good father though I was the one taking them to the park. I also took them to Butlins Holiday Camp when fortunes allowed and then camping at a nearby site was something we got fixed into year after year. I know that in the ten years from 76- 86, I saw and was involved in my kid´s more than most British fathers and certainly more than most American ones. I think that there might be more of an attitude that you are a good dad, if you provide well for your children rather than being a good dad for combining making a living with being there for your children and being a great influence. I believe that I did a good job in parenting for several reasons. One would be that at Peterborough Cathedral on Remembrance Day we went to the services which involved a two minute silence. The three boys managed to honor that silence and after filing outside an older lady purposely crossed the street to congratulate their mother for being able to have such well behaved young kids. Yes, one, three and five years old. Also the youngest boy was chosen to be the subject of a movie depicting the first days at school for other parents to be able to view. Daniel also won awards for having maximum annual attendance. I also used to video all the school programs and Christmas plays. Daniel always featured. I was proud of my five children and they were considered in the street to be good, well rounded kids as well.
I later taught video at the school and they were awesome at picking up camera switch and sound collection. They even interviewed the school inspector when he visited. My oldest daughter was very confident on the microphone as a child and at the Holiday Camp she walked away with the ´loveliest baby´ competition several years running. My girls have travelled extensively and Natalie has worked in several countries which requires quite a degree of self confidence. My youngest daughter had the will and confidence to go away to a different city to study and provide for her tuition and was the only one of the children to make those sacrifices. I would go so far as to say that Heidi was likely the only child living in the neighborhood to go to University and certainly to have the nerve to leave the comfort zone of home and friends.
My admiration goes out to my children for having a backbone. They constantly recover from trials and tribulations and bounce back and indeed have a great attitude to life. They are able to travel and see the world and to continue to develop ´worldliness´ which I consider to be just as important as paper qualification. Set the seed and watch it grow.PL.
I do know that I never even thought about seeing the doctor ever. With the exorbitant gas tax I guess I was paying for all those confinements and births as I never met a couple or single parent who could not afford to have a child. I did know a few single parents having lessons that were subsidized by the system. Looking back I personally prefer to come down on that side of things than that I might have earned more and read of citizens going broke over a car wreck or illness?
As to the father thing. I certainly did my bit. I was not that happy I guess and my ten year marriage was very much drooping. I gave up on all my new found wealth after a frugal nine years in the army and went north to start all over again with a lady I had fallen for, who just happened to have three young sons. I did not give the change of wealth much thought and accepted a one bedroom seasonal caravan (trailer) to start over in. I made a contraption with canvas and timber to accommodate all three boys aged one, three and five that slept them quite well and collapsed during the day behind the couch. The luckiest thing was to get the offer of a rental home in Peterborough with only a few days left before the caravan site closed for the winter. We travelled there and were impressed with the agent treating us as though we were buying. We did end up buyers much later. We moved there cock-a-hoop. A great new start for us all.
I was lucky to be able to work the least and get some help as we rebuilt our new existence. We were able to get our place carpeted on the basis of ´pay us when you can´ and we always stayed friends with that guy. My new wife did not work for the ten years of our marriage and yes it ´bit the dust´ also eventually. They do say that the second one is just as vulnerable as the first and very likely to go the same way. Most of our problems were about lack of communication over time. The point I wanted to make though was that I was able to be a good step father and was able to allow my wife ´respite´ so that she could do other things than ´mothering´. She was an avid keep fit fan. It added to our demise. We started out in 76 and had our daughter in 78 and our second daughter in 80. So we were a big family and went away to camp for the summer six weeks with me returning to work just for a day or two. We got no help from the father of the boys and there was no collection process for alimony at that time. The father had failed as a husband and a dad and was not feeling any consequence. He was five thousand English pounds money in arrears and there was no CSA to monitor him. We also had to travel all the way to his locale to try and recover anything and it did not work. The only way at that time to get him to contribute was to claim benefit and times were hard with trying to make ends meet with scant lessons and seven mouths to feed. These days there would be the correct collection and we would still be able to develop our ability to earn. Life for us would have been entirely different with the help of the CSA to ensure income.
As to being a good father though I was the one taking them to the park. I also took them to Butlins Holiday Camp when fortunes allowed and then camping at a nearby site was something we got fixed into year after year. I know that in the ten years from 76- 86, I saw and was involved in my kid´s more than most British fathers and certainly more than most American ones. I think that there might be more of an attitude that you are a good dad, if you provide well for your children rather than being a good dad for combining making a living with being there for your children and being a great influence. I believe that I did a good job in parenting for several reasons. One would be that at Peterborough Cathedral on Remembrance Day we went to the services which involved a two minute silence. The three boys managed to honor that silence and after filing outside an older lady purposely crossed the street to congratulate their mother for being able to have such well behaved young kids. Yes, one, three and five years old. Also the youngest boy was chosen to be the subject of a movie depicting the first days at school for other parents to be able to view. Daniel also won awards for having maximum annual attendance. I also used to video all the school programs and Christmas plays. Daniel always featured. I was proud of my five children and they were considered in the street to be good, well rounded kids as well.
I later taught video at the school and they were awesome at picking up camera switch and sound collection. They even interviewed the school inspector when he visited. My oldest daughter was very confident on the microphone as a child and at the Holiday Camp she walked away with the ´loveliest baby´ competition several years running. My girls have travelled extensively and Natalie has worked in several countries which requires quite a degree of self confidence. My youngest daughter had the will and confidence to go away to a different city to study and provide for her tuition and was the only one of the children to make those sacrifices. I would go so far as to say that Heidi was likely the only child living in the neighborhood to go to University and certainly to have the nerve to leave the comfort zone of home and friends.
My admiration goes out to my children for having a backbone. They constantly recover from trials and tribulations and bounce back and indeed have a great attitude to life. They are able to travel and see the world and to continue to develop ´worldliness´ which I consider to be just as important as paper qualification. Set the seed and watch it grow.PL.
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