Attention-Getters Chris Brown & Bernie Madoff: Poster Boys for Love-Hate Relationships!
Alice Aspen March
March 19, 2009
I keep wondering why a man who supposedly loves a woman would beat her up so badly that she calls the police and has her photo taken showing all her bruises. We´ve all seen the police pictures. We´ve also just heard the reports of Chris´s being charged by the Los Angeles District Attorney with felonies and making a criminal threat, which could mean jail time.
We´ve also heard that he and Rihanna are back together again. Are we shocked about all of this? I think yes and no. This drama has been played out to us before, time and time again, yet we continue to be shocked.
Why is Chris so angry? Why does he have to get physical? Why can´t these two young people, Chris and Rihanna, communicate their feelings better? What, if anything, did she do to illicit such behavior? Oh, I know she was supposedly looking at his text messages, and he didn´t want her to. He probably felt that she was invading his space.
But does that warrant his beating her up? I guess that for him, it was. It appears as if he can neither calmly handle his feelings nor his reactions.
Why all these questions?
Because I´ve been thinking about love and physical abuse a lot lately. In fact, I´ve been wondering about the other mega attention–getter in the news, Bernard Madoff. While Bernie didn´t physically beat any one person up, he certainly metaphorically beat up hundreds of people. He lied, cheated and stole, which is abuse and he abused people he loved. He destroyed the financial security of some really good friends and family members. He destroyed their quality of life and their emotional well-being. This kind of abuse can be more devastating than being physically beaten up and it certainly can last longer. It probably is not smart to compare scars here. Rihanna can go on, if she chooses, to find someone who treats her with love and respect and honors her person. The majority of people who invested with Bernie are older, invested a life-time of working and saving funds and will not have enough years left to recoup. Some who have retired have actually had to go back to minimum paying jobs.
Chris and Bernie both, obviously have lots of money, cars, and what ever they need to live on financially high levels. While Chris is not even twenty, Bernie is seventy. And, yet, something big is really missing inside both of these men. Call it consciousness, values, emptiness, or good judgment. They have even more in common. Chris is facing jail time; Bernie is already in jail, probably for the rest of his life.
Certainly, both men have demonstrated how they lost sight of other peoples´ needs, boundaries and deserved respect. I know through years of researching and interviewing that all of our childhoods impact our adulthoods; the kind of attention we get as children lives with us forever. Did either of these men learn at home how to honestly and consciously honor and respect other people? Did either of these men see role modeling that demonstrated respectful, and genuine loving behavior at home?
The bottom line for me is that parenting has got to be held in higher regard. Before infants leave the hospital, parents need a visit from a qualified mentor, to advise them about how their feelings impact their children´s´. Hot lines must be available to new parents who go into crisis when a problem arises or they become overwhelmed or exhausted. Along with birthing classes, obstetrical offices ought to offer parenting classes or videos showing the basic keys/truths needed to bring up emotionally and physically healthy kids. Kids need to feel emotionally safe and included, physically comfortable, heard and listened to.
Only with conscious action and education can we intervene in domestic violence which is costing us all abundant money, time and years.
We´ve also heard that he and Rihanna are back together again. Are we shocked about all of this? I think yes and no. This drama has been played out to us before, time and time again, yet we continue to be shocked.
Why is Chris so angry? Why does he have to get physical? Why can´t these two young people, Chris and Rihanna, communicate their feelings better? What, if anything, did she do to illicit such behavior? Oh, I know she was supposedly looking at his text messages, and he didn´t want her to. He probably felt that she was invading his space.
But does that warrant his beating her up? I guess that for him, it was. It appears as if he can neither calmly handle his feelings nor his reactions.
Why all these questions?
Because I´ve been thinking about love and physical abuse a lot lately. In fact, I´ve been wondering about the other mega attention–getter in the news, Bernard Madoff. While Bernie didn´t physically beat any one person up, he certainly metaphorically beat up hundreds of people. He lied, cheated and stole, which is abuse and he abused people he loved. He destroyed the financial security of some really good friends and family members. He destroyed their quality of life and their emotional well-being. This kind of abuse can be more devastating than being physically beaten up and it certainly can last longer. It probably is not smart to compare scars here. Rihanna can go on, if she chooses, to find someone who treats her with love and respect and honors her person. The majority of people who invested with Bernie are older, invested a life-time of working and saving funds and will not have enough years left to recoup. Some who have retired have actually had to go back to minimum paying jobs.
Chris and Bernie both, obviously have lots of money, cars, and what ever they need to live on financially high levels. While Chris is not even twenty, Bernie is seventy. And, yet, something big is really missing inside both of these men. Call it consciousness, values, emptiness, or good judgment. They have even more in common. Chris is facing jail time; Bernie is already in jail, probably for the rest of his life.
Certainly, both men have demonstrated how they lost sight of other peoples´ needs, boundaries and deserved respect. I know through years of researching and interviewing that all of our childhoods impact our adulthoods; the kind of attention we get as children lives with us forever. Did either of these men learn at home how to honestly and consciously honor and respect other people? Did either of these men see role modeling that demonstrated respectful, and genuine loving behavior at home?
The bottom line for me is that parenting has got to be held in higher regard. Before infants leave the hospital, parents need a visit from a qualified mentor, to advise them about how their feelings impact their children´s´. Hot lines must be available to new parents who go into crisis when a problem arises or they become overwhelmed or exhausted. Along with birthing classes, obstetrical offices ought to offer parenting classes or videos showing the basic keys/truths needed to bring up emotionally and physically healthy kids. Kids need to feel emotionally safe and included, physically comfortable, heard and listened to.
Only with conscious action and education can we intervene in domestic violence which is costing us all abundant money, time and years.