Bear's Den: "Sometimes... A Sap is a Sap is a... Sap"

Ahh, the Sap Moon has arrived. Early March marks this annual happening, and, by month´s end, the maple will be flowing well. But sometimes a sap is a sap is a sap. Yep, there are three that I´ve had experience with, and that past practice tells me that you sure don´t want to deal with two of them. Nah, you don´t wanna get hit by one and… maybe most importantly… you don´t want to be considered one… hmm?

"Sin-zi-buck-wud" is the Algonquin Woodland Indian phrase for maple syrup. It means ´drawn from wood´, and across the northern lands, maple sap will begin flowing from trees once the Creator signals this happening. That´s usually when the temperature of the sapwood gets above 32 degrees F. This causes pressure within the wood and this pressure makes the sap flow. And boy, once it begins, maple sap flows up, down, and every which way, and you can tap it easily. Indians used maple sugar for everything from flavoring food to preserving it. It was, and is, excellent for these needs. Yep, and American Indians were the first-ever to tap this natural resource of maple sugar, too. But, there are other meanings for the word ´sap´, and boy… they aren´t as sweet.

Here at the REZ, we have a plethora of wildlife. Yesterday, while I was outside saying prayers, my attention was pulled to a reverberating ´ra…tat, tat, tat-a-tat´ sound, that I instantly recognized as it echoed through the woods. And no, it wasn´t the tell-tale resonance of an AK-47, either. Uh-uh, it was a familiar "ha-ha-haaaa-HA-ha!" sound. I moved around the wrap-around porch, and there, just off the deck in the tree line above the stream, was old Woody Woodpecker, machine-gunning a dead maple. This cartoon character is the guy called both the Indian Hen and, scientifically, the Pileated Woodpecker. Old Woody wasn´t trying to tap the maple for sap, nah; he was looking for insects in the tree. He´s about the size of a crow, with a wingspan of 30", or so, and, he´s pretty. Sure, and he could´ve given a care less about my presence – he wasn´t sweating me… ´give´n him the sap´.

Now, Woody would´ve lit out in a hurry if I would´ve approached him with my trusty sap in hand, eh. Yeah, that´s because this kind´a sap is a weapon similar in design to many little ´knock-out´ doo-dads. They´re called everything from slappers and slap jacks to beavertails. Yes´um, and unlike a nightstick, they´re really easy to conceal. Boy, it´s a ´one bonk will do ya´ little tool, to boot. A sap has a flat profile, as opposed to a cylindrical one, and is a lot smaller in size. They´re often made of lead encased in leather. Yep, and if you´re a fan of classic old Boggy movies, then poor Philip Marlow is always getting bopped by one, eh. Sure, but while they may be a sap, they sure aren´t as sweet as maple sugar.

Of course, the other kind´a sap isn´t all that saccharine, either. Last summer, I bought a corn stove for use out in the garage. Uh-huh, field corn has always been notoriously cheap. But, between my domestic boss´s bone marrow transplant and my innate inclination toward stupidity, I hadn´t been following the prices of dried corn. So, over the winter, I ended up paying a high-dollar amount for stuff to burn. While the stove works like a charm, it ain´t cheap to use these days because this corn was harvested last fall with combines burning $4.00 a gallon gas. So it was that I was standing in line behind a couple of farmers at the local co-op, waiting to buy another expensive bag of fuel. I overheard their conversation about how the new things coming out of Washington were going to hurt farming. One guy said, "I told you last fall that it wasn´t the kind´a change you wanted." The other nodded and answered, "Yeah, I know. Man… I sure feel like a sap now." And I knew how the farmer felt about sappiness. I´d been feeling like a bit of sap for buying the stove, too, and unlike the sugary flavor of maple… this sensation wasn´t too nifty-keen at all.

Yep, that´s because this kind of sap isn´t sweet, either – nope. It means: chump, dolt, dupe, fool, idiot, jerk, nitwit, patsy, pigeon, simpleton or sucker. And, albeit for different reason, I was feeling sappy as well. So, sometimes a sap is a sap is a sap. Yessir, and experience tells me that you sure don´t need to deal with two of them. Nah, you don´t wanna get hit by one and… maybe most importantly… you don´t want to be considered one… hmm?

David Walks-As-Bear is a Kispoko Shawnee Indian. He works as a private game warden and detective and is an author and syndicated newspaper columnist living in Northwest Michigan. Contact him at The White Lake Beacon: 231-894-5356 or visit his website at: www.Walks-As-Bear.com