LOU DOBBS AND NANCY GRACE TO HEAD COMMERCE DEPARTMENT
B. Elwin Sherman
February 19, 2009
Endless Jailhouse Interviews Promised
No More "Dirty Business As Usual"
From the Disassociated Press by B. Elwin Sherman -- Border Family Finances Editor
THE WHITE HOUSE-- (DP) White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced today that President Obama will be submitting the names of Lou Dobbs AND Nancy Grace as his co-nominees to head the Department of Commerce.
"We know it's unprecedented," said Mr. Gibbs. "But, after the Judd Gregg misstep, the President is looking for a strong team commitment. Both Mr. Dobbs and Ms. Grace have accepted the President's invitation to serve, and they've been thoroughly vetted."
The new Co-Designates each bring unique talents to the DOC, rudderless since both Governor Bill Richardson and Senator Judd Gregg opted out of the appointment.
"Two of the Department's operating units will be the first to undergo radical changes," said Gibbs. "Mr. Dobbs will be immediately overhauling the DOC's Minority Business Development Agency. I think it's safe to say that he'll be transforming the MBDA, emphasizing the 'minor' in 'minority.'
"I mean, this is Lou Dobbs, after all," he added. "The man doesn't even wear brown shoes."
Ms. Grace will also bring her own special flair and expertise to Commerce. "She's already submitted a plan to completely restructure the Bureau of the Census," said Gibbs.
Under a Dobbs/Grace stewardship, the new operating credo at the DOC's BOC will be simple and direct: You can't run, you can't hide, and you can do it on television for months after ad nauseam months on end.
Dobbs will also join forces to employ innovative digital imaging satellite house-to-house tracking technologies. They will find, capture, execute and deport every illegal Alien welfare cheater baby's suspected kidnapper, in that order. They'll also conduct endless, exclusive televised jailhouse interviews with everyone's estranged grandparents.
"No more free rides at Commerce," said a smiling Gibbs.
Will this mean that from now on, the only good illegal Alien welfare cheater baby suspected kidnapper will be a dead illegal Alien welfare cheater baby suspected kidnapper?
Mr. Gibbs confirmed: "You want stimulus? You got stimulus."
Syndicated columnist B. Elwin Sherman writes from the New Hampshire north country. Copyright 2010 B. Elwin Sherman. All rights reserved. Used here with permission. This column is protected by intellectual property laws, including U.S. copyright laws. Electronic or print reproduction, adaptation, or distribution without permission is prohibited. Ordinary internet links to this column at B. Elwin's website may be distributed without written permission.