THE HIT
Jann Burner
April 25, 2006
I think I've discovered something of importance. I think that deer, especially aggressive male deer, have figured out that hunters drive cars! And even more, that certain specific members of the Deer Tribe have taken it upon themselves, like suicide bombers, to hunt down and attempt to destroy cars! And deer whistles, while popular in rural areas, do not work. In fact, I think that deer whistles, emitting their high pitched tone, might even act as a homing device. Here is my reasoning. Here is my personal story.
It was a cold snowy winter night?well, that's an exaggeration. Actually it was bright enough to read a newspaper, totally clear and very quiet, but it was mid November and it was out in the woods of the rural Ozarks. That's where I live, or rather that's where we live, in a log cabin way out in the country. I had been waiting for my lady to return. She had gone to pick up her eight year old grandson and was due back around six in the evening. Well, six thirty came and then, around seven thirty, a strange looking truck came down the driveway with Jeanne and her grandson crawling out. I can tell something serious has happened.
She had been driving down the narrow two lane blacktop about three miles from our cabin when a BIG deer hit her HEAD ON! Totaled her car! She said that as she came over the top of a hill and it was headed at her full speed in the moonlight. When I arrived on the scene her Lincoln Town car looked like it had been hit by a speeding motorcycle between the headlights! She said it seemed to be determined to collide with her car. Luckily no one had been hurt but the impact did deploy both airbags (which I hear is what the insurance companies use to call a car a total loss!)
We stand on the deserted road by her wrecked car waiting for a policeman or a tow truck to show up. Calls have been made We wait and wait and wait out in the woods for a tow truck but the one in our local town isn't available so one has to be dispatched from a neighboring village a considerable distance away. We don't have a cell phone and it wouldn't work out here if we did. It is a very quiet night. There is NO traffic on the road. Then here come the hunters who had been kind enough to give my partner a lift home. They had found the dead deer and felt it their duty to show us the corpse. We gather around their truck and sure enough, on the floor in the back lay a dead deer. With its eyes wide open, as if it's final thought was along the lines of, "What was I thinking?". What perplexed me was that there was no blood. The deer simply looked like it was sleeping?with it's eyes open.
Finally the highway patrolman shows up. At first he is perplexed. "Hmmm," he says, "Looks like you hit a tree. You know hitting a tree is a moving violation. You will be charged and ticketed". "No", my friend says, "Officer a huge deer ran into us!", "Well," says the policeman kneeling down at the front of the wrecked car. "I don't see any blood or pieces of flesh?looks mighty suspicious to me. "
By now we are all gathered around the smashed in grill looking for 'evidence' of a deer. Finally the policeman finds some clumps of hair. Deer fur for sure. He holds it up as if he is Mr. Monk and this is all being televised. "You're very lucky." He tells us. "The good news is you won't be charged and it won't be counted against you as an accident since hitting a deer is like an act of God, like a hail storm. It isn't considered a collision, even though it has totaled your car." When the officer finally drives away I pocket a handful of deer fur to be put in a baggie at a later time. Never can tell when it might come in handy.
The tow finally arrives and we get her car loaded up and we're headed home in my car, a Sebring convertible. BANG! A huge buck comes charging out of the woods with his head down intent upon wrecking my personal vehicle! I feel like a wide receiver in a championship football game and he is an all-pro linebacker. He is intent! As he lowers his head, we make eye contact for a milli-second. He seems to have targeted my driver's side front wheel well as the most vulnerable area. As he collides, his horns enter the wheel well. The force of the impact breaks the windshield, dents the front fender, and as his body folds back, he caves in my door and removes the rearview mirror assembly! I can't believe it. Absolutely no traffic on the road. He must have been waiting for at least an hour for a human vehicle to come down the road. This wasn't some deer confused beneath an onrushing automobile's headlights. He was moving at full speed when he lowered his head into my front wheel well. When he lowered his head and we made eye contact, I could tell he was pissed! He had an attitude! And he had a plan. What are the odds of it happening twice to one family within an hour? This gave me considerable pause.
After thinking on it for a night I think I have an answer. I think deer season (which started this weekend) freaks the deer out so much that they start doing crazy things like running around hunting for cars to crash in to when they SHOULD be sleeping. They should put out warnings on the evening news. "Don't drive after dark in the country, if you can help it. It is deer season and the deer are pissed!" They're like the suicide bombers in Iraq. BOOM! And your car's gone and you've got two hundred pounds of deer meat in your lap.
I saw in the Springfield paper where a guy actually got center-punched on his motorcycle! Whew... I actually think that the more aggressive bucks have made the connection between hunters and cars and since they can't attack hunters in the woods (because they are all armed) they lie in wait for cars to come and then...ATTACK! In both cases these deer weren't "blinded" by light or confused by traffic. The moon was light enough to read by and there were NO cars on the narrow two lane road. Beware. I think the animals are beginning to get organized.
It was a cold snowy winter night?well, that's an exaggeration. Actually it was bright enough to read a newspaper, totally clear and very quiet, but it was mid November and it was out in the woods of the rural Ozarks. That's where I live, or rather that's where we live, in a log cabin way out in the country. I had been waiting for my lady to return. She had gone to pick up her eight year old grandson and was due back around six in the evening. Well, six thirty came and then, around seven thirty, a strange looking truck came down the driveway with Jeanne and her grandson crawling out. I can tell something serious has happened.
She had been driving down the narrow two lane blacktop about three miles from our cabin when a BIG deer hit her HEAD ON! Totaled her car! She said that as she came over the top of a hill and it was headed at her full speed in the moonlight. When I arrived on the scene her Lincoln Town car looked like it had been hit by a speeding motorcycle between the headlights! She said it seemed to be determined to collide with her car. Luckily no one had been hurt but the impact did deploy both airbags (which I hear is what the insurance companies use to call a car a total loss!)
We stand on the deserted road by her wrecked car waiting for a policeman or a tow truck to show up. Calls have been made We wait and wait and wait out in the woods for a tow truck but the one in our local town isn't available so one has to be dispatched from a neighboring village a considerable distance away. We don't have a cell phone and it wouldn't work out here if we did. It is a very quiet night. There is NO traffic on the road. Then here come the hunters who had been kind enough to give my partner a lift home. They had found the dead deer and felt it their duty to show us the corpse. We gather around their truck and sure enough, on the floor in the back lay a dead deer. With its eyes wide open, as if it's final thought was along the lines of, "What was I thinking?". What perplexed me was that there was no blood. The deer simply looked like it was sleeping?with it's eyes open.
Finally the highway patrolman shows up. At first he is perplexed. "Hmmm," he says, "Looks like you hit a tree. You know hitting a tree is a moving violation. You will be charged and ticketed". "No", my friend says, "Officer a huge deer ran into us!", "Well," says the policeman kneeling down at the front of the wrecked car. "I don't see any blood or pieces of flesh?looks mighty suspicious to me. "
By now we are all gathered around the smashed in grill looking for 'evidence' of a deer. Finally the policeman finds some clumps of hair. Deer fur for sure. He holds it up as if he is Mr. Monk and this is all being televised. "You're very lucky." He tells us. "The good news is you won't be charged and it won't be counted against you as an accident since hitting a deer is like an act of God, like a hail storm. It isn't considered a collision, even though it has totaled your car." When the officer finally drives away I pocket a handful of deer fur to be put in a baggie at a later time. Never can tell when it might come in handy.
The tow finally arrives and we get her car loaded up and we're headed home in my car, a Sebring convertible. BANG! A huge buck comes charging out of the woods with his head down intent upon wrecking my personal vehicle! I feel like a wide receiver in a championship football game and he is an all-pro linebacker. He is intent! As he lowers his head, we make eye contact for a milli-second. He seems to have targeted my driver's side front wheel well as the most vulnerable area. As he collides, his horns enter the wheel well. The force of the impact breaks the windshield, dents the front fender, and as his body folds back, he caves in my door and removes the rearview mirror assembly! I can't believe it. Absolutely no traffic on the road. He must have been waiting for at least an hour for a human vehicle to come down the road. This wasn't some deer confused beneath an onrushing automobile's headlights. He was moving at full speed when he lowered his head into my front wheel well. When he lowered his head and we made eye contact, I could tell he was pissed! He had an attitude! And he had a plan. What are the odds of it happening twice to one family within an hour? This gave me considerable pause.
After thinking on it for a night I think I have an answer. I think deer season (which started this weekend) freaks the deer out so much that they start doing crazy things like running around hunting for cars to crash in to when they SHOULD be sleeping. They should put out warnings on the evening news. "Don't drive after dark in the country, if you can help it. It is deer season and the deer are pissed!" They're like the suicide bombers in Iraq. BOOM! And your car's gone and you've got two hundred pounds of deer meat in your lap.
I saw in the Springfield paper where a guy actually got center-punched on his motorcycle! Whew... I actually think that the more aggressive bucks have made the connection between hunters and cars and since they can't attack hunters in the woods (because they are all armed) they lie in wait for cars to come and then...ATTACK! In both cases these deer weren't "blinded" by light or confused by traffic. The moon was light enough to read by and there were NO cars on the narrow two lane road. Beware. I think the animals are beginning to get organized.