How much do you know about your partner's needs?
Lobna Khairy
January 02, 2009
Both men and women walk into a relationship searching for the same things, for the love, the support and the warmth.
Yet, ironically, each finds it difficult to deliver those needs to the other! Assuming of course that both parties are mentally stable, they happen to love each other and want for that relationship to go on forever- or so it seems for now! I think it´s the misconceptions we´ve all been spooned our entire lives concerning relationships and the opposite sex ; for example I´ve grown to believe- as most of us- that men are selfish and women are needy!
So, out of concern, I conducted a two questions survey:
A. What do You want from a relationship?
B. What do YOU THINK YOUR PARTNER wants/ would want from the relationship?
The answers to which proved that both sexes want the same 8 basic characters and know their partners want them as well. So, why are we fighting? Let´s see…
1. Regarding Love & Affection:
Men Want a woman whom they can spoil; literally pour all their love and attention over. A woman who can satisfy every female role he´d ever want in his life whether a best friend, a lover, a co-worker or even a mother. So believe it or not men are romantic, they love candle light dinners and that feeling where they bring happiness to someone else. Call it a self- satisfactory mechanism but men aren´t that selfish after all!
Women want to feel loved and special, to feel that someone loves everything about her and most importantly constantly- I repeat constantly- deliver the message that she´s the priority. Thus if her number one need is neglected or if the message doesn´t get through, that would cause a big strain in the relationship that might never heal!
Men think Women Want to feel loved as well, but most men live by this code "If you aren´t asking for more, then I´m doing my job right" It´s true, since men know women to be this annoyingly demanding creatures that if a tiny portion of their need is missing they´d turn men´s lives into a living hell, till it´s just the way they want it to be!!
Women think men want to be loved more than they want to offer love; that they find it more enjoyable down at the receiving end of the rope to the extent of demanding the "si el sayed" kind of affection where if they´re gone women just stop living till they decide to mount off their high horse and return to save lives!!
2. Regarding Communication:
Men want honest-based communications, where a woman would answer questions clearly, with no hidden messages for they don´t want to read anybody´s mind or spend days trying to understand signals when it could take a minute if only their partners would be clear about it. So the bottom line is men prefer straight forward conversations as long as the woman´s smart enough to know when and how…
Women want their words to be heard, a man who is a good listener is like a rare diamond. Because most of the times they don´t need a solution, they only want to speak their minds and when they want one they´ll ask for it, only then one might start praying for men to find an appropriate solution, instead of "inshallah 5er"!
Men think women want them to solve whatever problem they´re complaining about, that by telling them about their feelings, certain things are expected among which men are supposed to make the source of irritation go away.
Women think men want them to be superficial, keep quiet when it comes to their needs and wants, preferably deal with them on their own because otherwise they´ll be abandoned! And because women believe that men want no conversation what so ever, they use manipulation, thinking it´s the only way to be heard without driving her man away.
3.Regarding Security:
Shockingly after conducting the survey I found that not even a single man referred to security as a relationship-must. I don´t know if that has to do with pride but I do believe that emotional security greatly affects the commitment and stability every man desires. For how can anyone find that peace of mind if you´re not sure your partner would stick forever?!
And women exactly want that, it´s their only companion during the hard times, knowing that their men still love them despite of their conflicts…
Men think younger women tend to want physical security while older women search for financial security but it doesn´t navigate the emotional security every woman regardless of her age needs.
Women think men want constant reassurance that they´ll always be there for them, in fact most women believe that security lies in men knowing that their partners are waiting for them and that they´ll never leave no matter what.
4.Regarding Independency & space:
All what men want is to be wanted and needed by their partners- sometimes they over do it but overall they don´t want a push over woman who "makan mat7otaha tla2eha" they want someone with a separate identity, to be "partially" independent, having her own friends and interests to find something to talk/ fight about!
Oh and they demand space, but that´s sort of a given, right?!
What women want is for men to be less controlling, to have faith in their abilities to fix whatever is wrong themselves and this actually motivates women to run that extra mile to meet up with their men´s expectations. It´s every woman´s dream to find someone who could help her grow and develop not hold down or push back!
Men think women constantly need their help with fixing whatever mess they´ve caused. That they´re such weak creatures who can´t do things on their own!
Women think men want Obedience, which is also a common belief and to be honest sometimes it is the truth! As there are those who love having the upper hand; keeps on dominating till deleting a woman´s identity. But the good part is that they regret it later when they find themselves living with a totally dependant, whinny, and needy 8 year old baby girl!
5.Regarding Commitment & Fidelity:
Men, want commitment as much as women, it´s just a matter of assurance, men take longer time to make sure that they chose the right woman and probably some more time to get over their commitment issues! Other than that, they want the same stability, the home and the comfort zone. And when it comes to infidelity, it´s a deal-breaker to men exactly as it´s to women, with no exceptions or excuses…
Every woman wants the commitment, the stability, knowing that she has a man – one man- whom she can cherish and love…
Men know women want commitment, it´s sort of a given that even though women also experience cold feet but it´s much less intense. Actually most women can´t wait to commit, they´re known as commitment freaks!
But it´s the part where men think women prefer to commit to a player is where they´re wrong, for women who want relationships never want players. Sure, they´d feel special if a player chose them over all other women but instead of that little voice inside warning that a man might be cheating, they´ll be left with load siren´s screams driving them to insanity!
Women think men suffer commitment allergies, that they´d only commit on physical levels and whenever they find a more attractive "female" they´d drool all over her and leave!
It turned to a common belief that men can´t be trusted to be faithful, they´d run whenever things get just a little bit tough and they don´t seem to handle the whole relationship moving forward requirements that well!
6.Regarding Support:
Men want to accomplish things WITH NO HELP WHAT SO EVER from others. Sure they´d want women to ask if they need it to which they´ll usually reply with a no but preferably to end at that instead of being forced to receive help they never wanted in the first place.
Women want is to have the support they need without having to ask for it… yes we would!
Men think women want NO SUPPORT, believing in the saying "treat people the way you want to be treated" thus out of not wanting to sound too pushy, as long as women don´t ask for it, men won´t volunteer to do it!
One thing you have to know is that the more women love, the more they offer support thus support is a sign of love. That´s why women tend to feel disappointed when men don´t offer that.
Women think men want incredible support! That´s enough said, just gracefully move to the next point!
7.Regarding Sharing & compromise:
Men want someone with whom they can share the good and the bad, that´s one of the lead reasons why they get into a relationship in the first place. They want the company and the warmth and when it comes to compromise, they actually like to have things done differently once in a while as long as it goes with their beliefs. In fact, having women do things their way occasionally, saves them a couple of fights with the streaming lecture, why do we always have to do things your way?! . Seriously why?!
What women want is for men to stop thinking of them as superwomen who can get everything done PERFECTLY in a heart beat; that it´ll be actually nice if they´d act like gentlemen and offer some assistance without having to ask for it ourselves.
To tell you the truth about us compromising easier, it´s not about being angels but it´s actually the fastest way to get you men to stop nagging!
Men think women want sharing when it comes to emotional, non tasks-related matters, otherwise they´ll be messing up the system for they never meet their partners´ expectations. And knowing that women are more emotional and happen to be more of kind-hearted creatures, thus it´d be easy to convince them to compromise; more like to push over –huh!!!!!!!!!
Women think men don´t want to share anything; they´re so cheap when it comes to words or duties for that matter. Worse, they want things done whenever and however they want them done, no compromise, no negotiation. It´s like I say it, you do it!
8.Regarding Appreciation & Acknowledgment:
Men want more praise to what they´re doing correctly and more acknowledgements that they happen to be good men whom efforts are appreciated…
Also, Women want their efforts to be appreciated, even when she calls to make sure you got home alright, she´d feel a lot better if you´d say thank you, instead of ignoring her calls! Because, take my words on this, there´s nothing that could dry a relationship up as under appreciation…
Men think women want Appreciation… that´s funny because it almost looks like they don´t know women want that!
Women think men don´t need their praise or acknowledgment, they don´t value their opinions either as men are always right!!
Having known all this wouldn´t it be easier if we could read each others minds and hear each others thoughts?
Yet again if we weren´t so different we wouldn´t have been magnetized. It´s in our differences where the magic begins and in our similarities where it subsides…
LOBNA KHAIRY
Yet, ironically, each finds it difficult to deliver those needs to the other! Assuming of course that both parties are mentally stable, they happen to love each other and want for that relationship to go on forever- or so it seems for now! I think it´s the misconceptions we´ve all been spooned our entire lives concerning relationships and the opposite sex ; for example I´ve grown to believe- as most of us- that men are selfish and women are needy!
So, out of concern, I conducted a two questions survey:
A. What do You want from a relationship?
B. What do YOU THINK YOUR PARTNER wants/ would want from the relationship?
The answers to which proved that both sexes want the same 8 basic characters and know their partners want them as well. So, why are we fighting? Let´s see…
1. Regarding Love & Affection:
Men Want a woman whom they can spoil; literally pour all their love and attention over. A woman who can satisfy every female role he´d ever want in his life whether a best friend, a lover, a co-worker or even a mother. So believe it or not men are romantic, they love candle light dinners and that feeling where they bring happiness to someone else. Call it a self- satisfactory mechanism but men aren´t that selfish after all!
Women want to feel loved and special, to feel that someone loves everything about her and most importantly constantly- I repeat constantly- deliver the message that she´s the priority. Thus if her number one need is neglected or if the message doesn´t get through, that would cause a big strain in the relationship that might never heal!
Men think Women Want to feel loved as well, but most men live by this code "If you aren´t asking for more, then I´m doing my job right" It´s true, since men know women to be this annoyingly demanding creatures that if a tiny portion of their need is missing they´d turn men´s lives into a living hell, till it´s just the way they want it to be!!
Women think men want to be loved more than they want to offer love; that they find it more enjoyable down at the receiving end of the rope to the extent of demanding the "si el sayed" kind of affection where if they´re gone women just stop living till they decide to mount off their high horse and return to save lives!!
2. Regarding Communication:
Men want honest-based communications, where a woman would answer questions clearly, with no hidden messages for they don´t want to read anybody´s mind or spend days trying to understand signals when it could take a minute if only their partners would be clear about it. So the bottom line is men prefer straight forward conversations as long as the woman´s smart enough to know when and how…
Women want their words to be heard, a man who is a good listener is like a rare diamond. Because most of the times they don´t need a solution, they only want to speak their minds and when they want one they´ll ask for it, only then one might start praying for men to find an appropriate solution, instead of "inshallah 5er"!
Men think women want them to solve whatever problem they´re complaining about, that by telling them about their feelings, certain things are expected among which men are supposed to make the source of irritation go away.
Women think men want them to be superficial, keep quiet when it comes to their needs and wants, preferably deal with them on their own because otherwise they´ll be abandoned! And because women believe that men want no conversation what so ever, they use manipulation, thinking it´s the only way to be heard without driving her man away.
3.Regarding Security:
Shockingly after conducting the survey I found that not even a single man referred to security as a relationship-must. I don´t know if that has to do with pride but I do believe that emotional security greatly affects the commitment and stability every man desires. For how can anyone find that peace of mind if you´re not sure your partner would stick forever?!
And women exactly want that, it´s their only companion during the hard times, knowing that their men still love them despite of their conflicts…
Men think younger women tend to want physical security while older women search for financial security but it doesn´t navigate the emotional security every woman regardless of her age needs.
Women think men want constant reassurance that they´ll always be there for them, in fact most women believe that security lies in men knowing that their partners are waiting for them and that they´ll never leave no matter what.
4.Regarding Independency & space:
All what men want is to be wanted and needed by their partners- sometimes they over do it but overall they don´t want a push over woman who "makan mat7otaha tla2eha" they want someone with a separate identity, to be "partially" independent, having her own friends and interests to find something to talk/ fight about!
Oh and they demand space, but that´s sort of a given, right?!
What women want is for men to be less controlling, to have faith in their abilities to fix whatever is wrong themselves and this actually motivates women to run that extra mile to meet up with their men´s expectations. It´s every woman´s dream to find someone who could help her grow and develop not hold down or push back!
Men think women constantly need their help with fixing whatever mess they´ve caused. That they´re such weak creatures who can´t do things on their own!
Women think men want Obedience, which is also a common belief and to be honest sometimes it is the truth! As there are those who love having the upper hand; keeps on dominating till deleting a woman´s identity. But the good part is that they regret it later when they find themselves living with a totally dependant, whinny, and needy 8 year old baby girl!
5.Regarding Commitment & Fidelity:
Men, want commitment as much as women, it´s just a matter of assurance, men take longer time to make sure that they chose the right woman and probably some more time to get over their commitment issues! Other than that, they want the same stability, the home and the comfort zone. And when it comes to infidelity, it´s a deal-breaker to men exactly as it´s to women, with no exceptions or excuses…
Every woman wants the commitment, the stability, knowing that she has a man – one man- whom she can cherish and love…
Men know women want commitment, it´s sort of a given that even though women also experience cold feet but it´s much less intense. Actually most women can´t wait to commit, they´re known as commitment freaks!
But it´s the part where men think women prefer to commit to a player is where they´re wrong, for women who want relationships never want players. Sure, they´d feel special if a player chose them over all other women but instead of that little voice inside warning that a man might be cheating, they´ll be left with load siren´s screams driving them to insanity!
Women think men suffer commitment allergies, that they´d only commit on physical levels and whenever they find a more attractive "female" they´d drool all over her and leave!
It turned to a common belief that men can´t be trusted to be faithful, they´d run whenever things get just a little bit tough and they don´t seem to handle the whole relationship moving forward requirements that well!
6.Regarding Support:
Men want to accomplish things WITH NO HELP WHAT SO EVER from others. Sure they´d want women to ask if they need it to which they´ll usually reply with a no but preferably to end at that instead of being forced to receive help they never wanted in the first place.
Women want is to have the support they need without having to ask for it… yes we would!
Men think women want NO SUPPORT, believing in the saying "treat people the way you want to be treated" thus out of not wanting to sound too pushy, as long as women don´t ask for it, men won´t volunteer to do it!
One thing you have to know is that the more women love, the more they offer support thus support is a sign of love. That´s why women tend to feel disappointed when men don´t offer that.
Women think men want incredible support! That´s enough said, just gracefully move to the next point!
7.Regarding Sharing & compromise:
Men want someone with whom they can share the good and the bad, that´s one of the lead reasons why they get into a relationship in the first place. They want the company and the warmth and when it comes to compromise, they actually like to have things done differently once in a while as long as it goes with their beliefs. In fact, having women do things their way occasionally, saves them a couple of fights with the streaming lecture, why do we always have to do things your way?! . Seriously why?!
What women want is for men to stop thinking of them as superwomen who can get everything done PERFECTLY in a heart beat; that it´ll be actually nice if they´d act like gentlemen and offer some assistance without having to ask for it ourselves.
To tell you the truth about us compromising easier, it´s not about being angels but it´s actually the fastest way to get you men to stop nagging!
Men think women want sharing when it comes to emotional, non tasks-related matters, otherwise they´ll be messing up the system for they never meet their partners´ expectations. And knowing that women are more emotional and happen to be more of kind-hearted creatures, thus it´d be easy to convince them to compromise; more like to push over –huh!!!!!!!!!
Women think men don´t want to share anything; they´re so cheap when it comes to words or duties for that matter. Worse, they want things done whenever and however they want them done, no compromise, no negotiation. It´s like I say it, you do it!
8.Regarding Appreciation & Acknowledgment:
Men want more praise to what they´re doing correctly and more acknowledgements that they happen to be good men whom efforts are appreciated…
Also, Women want their efforts to be appreciated, even when she calls to make sure you got home alright, she´d feel a lot better if you´d say thank you, instead of ignoring her calls! Because, take my words on this, there´s nothing that could dry a relationship up as under appreciation…
Men think women want Appreciation… that´s funny because it almost looks like they don´t know women want that!
Women think men don´t need their praise or acknowledgment, they don´t value their opinions either as men are always right!!
Having known all this wouldn´t it be easier if we could read each others minds and hear each others thoughts?
Yet again if we weren´t so different we wouldn´t have been magnetized. It´s in our differences where the magic begins and in our similarities where it subsides…
LOBNA KHAIRY