Desperate Houseflies
Leeuna Foster
August 02, 2008
The only thing I hate more than a stinking nasty house fly is...mm...having my eye gouged out with a fondue fork.
Flies are the nastiest creatures on planet earth. In fact their natural habitat is anyplace where there is decaying organic matter or waste, which is the polite word for the droppings left behind by animals and chickens. This is where flies breed and grow.
According to my research, warm summer conditions are best for the development of the house fly, and it can complete its life cycle in as little as seven to ten days. As many as 10 to 12 generations may occur in one summer. That's a lot of dirty flies buzzing around covered in "organic matter".
When I was a child growing up in the country during the 1950's it was common for the folks in the area to raise hogs, chickens, cows and horses, and to have "organic matter" spread on their gardens in the early part of the planting season. The flies were in hog heaven. They went forth and multiplied...many times over.
Air conditioning was something few if any homes had during that time. One was lucky to own a small window fan to create a breeze on the hottest days of summer. The window screens back then were made of wider weave than they are now and they often got torn in places by rowdy kids. (not me of course...the others were the rowdy kids). This was the prefect entry way for the stinking nasty flies to get into the house. That and us standing with the screen door open until Mama yelled at us to "get in or out one; you're letting the flies in!"
Mama was continually spraying fly spray, swatting them with a fly swatter that she carried on her hip at all times much like a cowboy packing a six-gun. And she used fly paper strips.
She would hang the long strips which were covered in sticky goo in each room of the house. I wish I had a nickle for every time I climbed on a chair and got stuck in one of those icky gooey strips, my hair all wound up in with the flies that were sticking to it. I would stand there screaming until Mama came and un-stuck me and washed off the life threatening, horrible, "my-gosh-your-liable-to-get-diphtheria-or-smallpox" germs. Of course this didn't do much to alleviate my disgust for the nasty creatures. I would shiver for hours afterward.
So now, one day last week I was sitting at my desk and I hear this buzzing sound. I immediately thought to myself, "housefly!!" The sound seemed to be coming from somewhere near my right ear. "Buzz, buzz." I slapped the air around my head and the noise stopped. I typed a few more words and "buzz, buzz" - next to my ear the same as before. I went into the utility room and got the fly swatter. As we all know (well those of us who are familiar with a pesky fly), once you get a newspaper or a fly swatter the fly goes and hides until you put your weapon down. I guess twenty minutes went by when suddenly "buzz buzz"...the sound near my right ear came again.
Frustrated and angry I jumped out of my chair and began slapping at the air around my head with my hands and the fly swatter, slapping at my hair and basically acting like a crazed lunatic. Finally after I had slapped myself silly, the buzzing sound came again just as my granddaughter walked into the office. She reached above my head and took something off the shelf over my desk.
"I forgot my cell phone and left it here," she said.
At that moment I heard the fly buzz again. "Where is that dang fly?" I shouted, my patience gone.
"MamawHoney, that's my cell phone. I have it set to vibrate," she said. "Ha...it does sound like a bee buzzing around. How! cool! is! that!"
I just looked at her and said, "?"
Flies are the nastiest creatures on planet earth. In fact their natural habitat is anyplace where there is decaying organic matter or waste, which is the polite word for the droppings left behind by animals and chickens. This is where flies breed and grow.
According to my research, warm summer conditions are best for the development of the house fly, and it can complete its life cycle in as little as seven to ten days. As many as 10 to 12 generations may occur in one summer. That's a lot of dirty flies buzzing around covered in "organic matter".
When I was a child growing up in the country during the 1950's it was common for the folks in the area to raise hogs, chickens, cows and horses, and to have "organic matter" spread on their gardens in the early part of the planting season. The flies were in hog heaven. They went forth and multiplied...many times over.
Air conditioning was something few if any homes had during that time. One was lucky to own a small window fan to create a breeze on the hottest days of summer. The window screens back then were made of wider weave than they are now and they often got torn in places by rowdy kids. (not me of course...the others were the rowdy kids). This was the prefect entry way for the stinking nasty flies to get into the house. That and us standing with the screen door open until Mama yelled at us to "get in or out one; you're letting the flies in!"
Mama was continually spraying fly spray, swatting them with a fly swatter that she carried on her hip at all times much like a cowboy packing a six-gun. And she used fly paper strips.
She would hang the long strips which were covered in sticky goo in each room of the house. I wish I had a nickle for every time I climbed on a chair and got stuck in one of those icky gooey strips, my hair all wound up in with the flies that were sticking to it. I would stand there screaming until Mama came and un-stuck me and washed off the life threatening, horrible, "my-gosh-your-liable-to-get-diphtheria-or-smallpox" germs. Of course this didn't do much to alleviate my disgust for the nasty creatures. I would shiver for hours afterward.
So now, one day last week I was sitting at my desk and I hear this buzzing sound. I immediately thought to myself, "housefly!!" The sound seemed to be coming from somewhere near my right ear. "Buzz, buzz." I slapped the air around my head and the noise stopped. I typed a few more words and "buzz, buzz" - next to my ear the same as before. I went into the utility room and got the fly swatter. As we all know (well those of us who are familiar with a pesky fly), once you get a newspaper or a fly swatter the fly goes and hides until you put your weapon down. I guess twenty minutes went by when suddenly "buzz buzz"...the sound near my right ear came again.
Frustrated and angry I jumped out of my chair and began slapping at the air around my head with my hands and the fly swatter, slapping at my hair and basically acting like a crazed lunatic. Finally after I had slapped myself silly, the buzzing sound came again just as my granddaughter walked into the office. She reached above my head and took something off the shelf over my desk.
"I forgot my cell phone and left it here," she said.
At that moment I heard the fly buzz again. "Where is that dang fly?" I shouted, my patience gone.
"MamawHoney, that's my cell phone. I have it set to vibrate," she said. "Ha...it does sound like a bee buzzing around. How! cool! is! that!"
I just looked at her and said, "?"