Self-Healing and Development: Motherhood

Motherhood is a natural process, which many people take for, granted, even the mothers themselves. It is something that happens as a matter of course and part of society. The act that begins motherhood is sometimes referred to as procreation, breeding and reproduction. But motherhood is so much more than giving birth. It is an ongoing process of self-healing and development and destruction. There is nothing more healing and destructive as motherhood. Think about it. Motherhood often fills a void many women feel in their lives. It completes them and fulfills them. Yet it also destroys them. The very process of giving birth is painful and a woman is never the same after a child is born, in the physical, emotional or mental sense. The woman prior to childbirth is a different woman who is now a mother.

Motherhood is a life-changing experience. Aside from the physical changes, a woman who is a mother will view the world differently in relation to her child. Safety and security has new meaning, its value projected outwards. The much-vaunted maternal instinct is a very real characteristic more powerful than the need for survival. A mother has been known to sacrifice herself and everyone else in the protection of her child. However, motherhood can have many adverse effects on the mother and the people around her, including the child. An overprotective mother can act in a destructive way in the misguided belief that she is protecting her child from the vagaries of a dangerous world. A self-absorbed mother can forever damage a child by projecting her own hopes and dreams for that child in a way that can stifle and smother the child and the entire family in a self-serving quest. A negligent mother can produce a child who is emotionally unstable and a danger to society someday. An abusive mother can produce psychopaths and sociopaths.

Motherhood as a way to self healing and development lies in following two principles that will benefit the mother, the child, the family and society. The child is not an extension of the mother. While mothers give birth to a child, there is no inherent ownership that goes with it. A child is a person in its own right, with its own mind, needs, wants and aspirations. It is not acceptable that a mother imposes her own ambitions onto a child, or to expect the child to follow the same path as she had. The role of the mother is to care for and nurture the child enough to keep them healthy and able to forge a path for itself when the time comes.

Mothers have their own lives. Conversely, the mother is not an extension of the child. Many mothers feel that they have to sacrifice everything for the sake of the child. But often, extreme measures are not necessary. The mother who is obsessed with the care for her child will cease to have her own interests and activities. She can become so tied up with the child that she can no longer be a wife to her husband, a friend to others, and a sister to her siblings or a whole person outside her child. This is not healthy for her or for her child. Mothers who are like this are unable to cope when the child dies or grows up and goes away. Mothers must care enough but not too much.

It may sound simplistic, this breakdown of what we call motherhood. However, these two principles remain true for all relationships a person may have. It is just more starkly demonstrative when it comes to motherhood because of the inherent chaos the state induces in terms of physical, emotional and mental balance. It is most necessary that the proper balance and perspective be regained for a healthy and meaningful mother-child relationship to ensue.

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