Promoting Hawkeye Vodka and other tasteless errors of state-sponsored vice
Dan Brawner
August 14, 2007
Apparently Iowans are not drinking enough booze. I know this comes as a shock to many Hawkeyes who are trying to do their part. But in an attempt to get us lightweights to belly up to the bar, the Iowa Alcoholic Beverages Division has taken the matter into its own hands.
As the state’s only liquor wholesaler, the IABD recently purchased a $14,000 liquor cabinet, complete with a tempered glass door and lights that change colors. (Making you thirsty already, isn’t it?) The idea behind this fiendishly clever design is that it will remind retailers of the way booze is displayed in upscale bars.
Lynn Walding, administrator of the agency explained to the Associated Press that the new liquor cabinet will make retailers buy more liquor, which will raise Iowa’s tax revenue without encouraging Iowans to drink more.
Huh? Isn’t the whole point to get us to drink more? Isn’t that the entire purpose of the agency?
Walding defended the state’s expensive new liquor cabinet, saying that $14,000 sounds like a lot but it’s only one fourth of one percent of the agency’s $5.7 million annual budget. So there you have it. Iowa, once a leader in the Temperance movement, now spends nearly $6 million bucks a year to promote drinking.
Walding says that the new liquor cabinet had to be big enough to hold one of each of Iowa’s 100 top-selling “premium” liquors. Third on this list is “Hawkeye Vodka”, an $11-a-bottle blackout for the budget-minded, a swill so vile, it could test the allegiance of an Iowa Hawkeye football fan. It puts the “toxic” back into “intoxication.”
Most people who drink Hawkeye Vodka won’t admit it.
Take Michael Rolow of Windsor Heights, for example. On August 29, 2006, Rolow, was driving the Dallas Center-Grimes girl’s volleyball team home from a tournament at Waukee High, when he drove through a stop sign. The team’s coach, Angie Reed suspected Rolow had been drinking and ordered him to pull over and had her players leave the bus.
Waukee police found that Rolow, a retired Windsor Heights police chief, had a blood alcohol level of twice the legal limit. And hidden under the seat, they found–you guessed it–a bottle of Hawkeye Vodka. They hauled him off to jail without even giving him credit for his team, um, spirit.
Iowa has a reputation for being pretty straight-laced and the fact that its wholesale liquor division is so inept at getting Iowans to drink is, well, I guess “refreshing” would be the wrong word. Promoting the likes of Hawkeye Vodka should ensure Iowa’s continued sobriety for years to come. Maybe these guys would be willing to take a crack at getting overweight Iowans to eat more pork chops.
As the state’s only liquor wholesaler, the IABD recently purchased a $14,000 liquor cabinet, complete with a tempered glass door and lights that change colors. (Making you thirsty already, isn’t it?) The idea behind this fiendishly clever design is that it will remind retailers of the way booze is displayed in upscale bars.
Lynn Walding, administrator of the agency explained to the Associated Press that the new liquor cabinet will make retailers buy more liquor, which will raise Iowa’s tax revenue without encouraging Iowans to drink more.
Huh? Isn’t the whole point to get us to drink more? Isn’t that the entire purpose of the agency?
Walding defended the state’s expensive new liquor cabinet, saying that $14,000 sounds like a lot but it’s only one fourth of one percent of the agency’s $5.7 million annual budget. So there you have it. Iowa, once a leader in the Temperance movement, now spends nearly $6 million bucks a year to promote drinking.
Walding says that the new liquor cabinet had to be big enough to hold one of each of Iowa’s 100 top-selling “premium” liquors. Third on this list is “Hawkeye Vodka”, an $11-a-bottle blackout for the budget-minded, a swill so vile, it could test the allegiance of an Iowa Hawkeye football fan. It puts the “toxic” back into “intoxication.”
Most people who drink Hawkeye Vodka won’t admit it.
Take Michael Rolow of Windsor Heights, for example. On August 29, 2006, Rolow, was driving the Dallas Center-Grimes girl’s volleyball team home from a tournament at Waukee High, when he drove through a stop sign. The team’s coach, Angie Reed suspected Rolow had been drinking and ordered him to pull over and had her players leave the bus.
Waukee police found that Rolow, a retired Windsor Heights police chief, had a blood alcohol level of twice the legal limit. And hidden under the seat, they found–you guessed it–a bottle of Hawkeye Vodka. They hauled him off to jail without even giving him credit for his team, um, spirit.
Iowa has a reputation for being pretty straight-laced and the fact that its wholesale liquor division is so inept at getting Iowans to drink is, well, I guess “refreshing” would be the wrong word. Promoting the likes of Hawkeye Vodka should ensure Iowa’s continued sobriety for years to come. Maybe these guys would be willing to take a crack at getting overweight Iowans to eat more pork chops.