Amazing Grace
Tara Paterson
June 14, 2007
“To live in hearts we leave behind Is not to die.” –Thomas Campbell
Is it possible that the 2 hour life of a child can impact and change the lives of everyone she came into contact with simply by the act of her birth? The miraculous answer is yes.
4th of July weekend in 2005, my sister and her beloved- Jared, were married. At the moment they exchanged their “I do’s” the sun shone through their tender kiss, magically blessing their union. Within a few short months, we lost our father suddenly to a massive heart attack. It seemed almost unreal that within 6 month’s time we would celebrate such a joyous moment only to later embrace such sorrow; but this is part of the cycle of life.
Within the next 6 months my sister and her new husband would share some exciting news with our family. They were going to have a baby. It came as a surprise, but we all welcomed some exciting news and another joyous occasion was on the horizon, or so we thought. My sister’s pregnancy began with the normal routine of doctor’s appointments and blood tests. She attended her first sonogram and commented on the ease of her pregnancy. At 20 weeks, there was anticipation as they headed to their second sonogram knowing the possibility existed that they would find out the gender of their baby. Jared’s family had all boys, so the excitement at the possibility of a girl was present in the air. My suspicions were confirmed (as I had predicted they were having a girl) and the news traveled far and wide- it was in fact a girl!
Excitement soon turned to concern when the hospital called the next day to say there were some concerns with the ultrasound pictures and they would need to go back to the hospital for more tests. Many, many more tests were ordered and each one would come back with yet another conclusion more confusing than the one prior. There were more doctors involved than family members and not one of the “experts” could deliver a prognosis about what the true outcome would be. Eventually, the baby’s health concerns turned from one complication into two complications each with their own set of severe possibilities. Individually, each issue was cause for concern, but combined it was guaranteed fatal; my sister and her husband however, remained rooted in their faith and refused to give up hope.
Month after month, her condition remained pretty much the same. They were certain about the fact that her lungs were not developing and without lung function, there wasn’t much hope she would make it. They chose to name her Grace Elizabeth and we all agreed Grace was a perfect name. It would be by the grace of God, should this little one survive.
2 weeks before my sister’s due date, they opted to schedule an induction. They felt it would be less stress on my sister and the baby if they were prepared for her arrival as opposed to scrambling to assemble the neo- natal team. So her induction was scheduled for a Monday evening. My husband and I made arrangements to leave our kids with a friend and we planned to make the trip from Virginia to Pittsburgh, that Monday afternoon. Little did we know, Grace had other plans. Saturday afternoon my sister called our house and in casual conversation mentioned she thought her water broke. After she described what happened, I assured her that yes her water broke and we would be there by night fall. We would arrive only hours before Grace Elizabeth would make her arrival into the world and only hours later make her departure.
What this little soul would soon teach me and the impact she had on so many others was more profound than any experience I had ever had or witnessed. The moment she was born she was immediately put on a respirator. We saw her swept away by more doctors than we could count as they scrambled past us in a hurried attempt to get her to the O.R. with the hope they would be able to stabilize her. The next hour was full of uncertainty and the time came for me to go be with my sister. The greatest gift Grace had given me that night was the ability to be present with my sister at that moment and in the days that would follow. I learned to be with someone else in their pain without allowing myself to turn it into my own. My husband, who is an energy healer (not so much by profession, but by gift), was given the gift of awareness about the ego’s need to interfere with the highest good for all involved. He spent many moments that night sending healing energy to Grace and my sister, and felt deep emotional pain when he was not able to affect the outcome. Grace’s gift to him that night was to bring awareness about how our judgment about what we think the outcome should be isn’t always the highest good for all involved.
The next few days would bring more stories about how this little soul, whose presence was with us for 2 short hours, would touch the lives of everyone who knew of or about her. Our daughter, who was 15 months at the time of this, woke up at the exact moment Grace’s soul made her exit from this plane. She was up carrying on a conversation with her at 2:35 a.m. (per our friend who was caring for our children and was unaware that Grace had passed), the moment Grace died at the hospital. A day later we returned home to an anxious 9 and 5 year old who had yet to be told about the outcome of Grace’s birth. Our oldest son was crushed and emotionally charged from the news of Grace’s passing. What came next will forever be a memory about the gift of love our children present us with everyday. Our 5 year old Caden was taking a bath shortly after we returned home from my sister’s house. Adam was extremely upset and crying about the news of Grace’s death. Caden called Adam into the bathroom and in a calm and reassuring voice simply told his brother- “you need to feel it in your heart.” Adam thanked his little brother while my husband and I stood in mere awe of the innocent expression of a child. The rest of the evening both of our boys commented on the different thoughts they had in regards to Grace and how amazing her short existence had been.
The impact this beautiful soul had on our family and so many we won’t ever know of, is the power and gift God gives us in our children. They teach us every lesson we will ever need to know about ourselves and the world around us. The gifts I received from the love Grace had for us all will never be forgotten and will always be cherished. “…I know no more now than I ever did about the far side of death as the last letting- go of all, but now I know that I do not need to know, and that I do not need to be afraid of not knowing. God knows. That is all that matters.” –Frederick Buechner
2007 Tara Paterson, All Rights Reserved
Is it possible that the 2 hour life of a child can impact and change the lives of everyone she came into contact with simply by the act of her birth? The miraculous answer is yes.
4th of July weekend in 2005, my sister and her beloved- Jared, were married. At the moment they exchanged their “I do’s” the sun shone through their tender kiss, magically blessing their union. Within a few short months, we lost our father suddenly to a massive heart attack. It seemed almost unreal that within 6 month’s time we would celebrate such a joyous moment only to later embrace such sorrow; but this is part of the cycle of life.
Within the next 6 months my sister and her new husband would share some exciting news with our family. They were going to have a baby. It came as a surprise, but we all welcomed some exciting news and another joyous occasion was on the horizon, or so we thought. My sister’s pregnancy began with the normal routine of doctor’s appointments and blood tests. She attended her first sonogram and commented on the ease of her pregnancy. At 20 weeks, there was anticipation as they headed to their second sonogram knowing the possibility existed that they would find out the gender of their baby. Jared’s family had all boys, so the excitement at the possibility of a girl was present in the air. My suspicions were confirmed (as I had predicted they were having a girl) and the news traveled far and wide- it was in fact a girl!
Excitement soon turned to concern when the hospital called the next day to say there were some concerns with the ultrasound pictures and they would need to go back to the hospital for more tests. Many, many more tests were ordered and each one would come back with yet another conclusion more confusing than the one prior. There were more doctors involved than family members and not one of the “experts” could deliver a prognosis about what the true outcome would be. Eventually, the baby’s health concerns turned from one complication into two complications each with their own set of severe possibilities. Individually, each issue was cause for concern, but combined it was guaranteed fatal; my sister and her husband however, remained rooted in their faith and refused to give up hope.
Month after month, her condition remained pretty much the same. They were certain about the fact that her lungs were not developing and without lung function, there wasn’t much hope she would make it. They chose to name her Grace Elizabeth and we all agreed Grace was a perfect name. It would be by the grace of God, should this little one survive.
2 weeks before my sister’s due date, they opted to schedule an induction. They felt it would be less stress on my sister and the baby if they were prepared for her arrival as opposed to scrambling to assemble the neo- natal team. So her induction was scheduled for a Monday evening. My husband and I made arrangements to leave our kids with a friend and we planned to make the trip from Virginia to Pittsburgh, that Monday afternoon. Little did we know, Grace had other plans. Saturday afternoon my sister called our house and in casual conversation mentioned she thought her water broke. After she described what happened, I assured her that yes her water broke and we would be there by night fall. We would arrive only hours before Grace Elizabeth would make her arrival into the world and only hours later make her departure.
What this little soul would soon teach me and the impact she had on so many others was more profound than any experience I had ever had or witnessed. The moment she was born she was immediately put on a respirator. We saw her swept away by more doctors than we could count as they scrambled past us in a hurried attempt to get her to the O.R. with the hope they would be able to stabilize her. The next hour was full of uncertainty and the time came for me to go be with my sister. The greatest gift Grace had given me that night was the ability to be present with my sister at that moment and in the days that would follow. I learned to be with someone else in their pain without allowing myself to turn it into my own. My husband, who is an energy healer (not so much by profession, but by gift), was given the gift of awareness about the ego’s need to interfere with the highest good for all involved. He spent many moments that night sending healing energy to Grace and my sister, and felt deep emotional pain when he was not able to affect the outcome. Grace’s gift to him that night was to bring awareness about how our judgment about what we think the outcome should be isn’t always the highest good for all involved.
The next few days would bring more stories about how this little soul, whose presence was with us for 2 short hours, would touch the lives of everyone who knew of or about her. Our daughter, who was 15 months at the time of this, woke up at the exact moment Grace’s soul made her exit from this plane. She was up carrying on a conversation with her at 2:35 a.m. (per our friend who was caring for our children and was unaware that Grace had passed), the moment Grace died at the hospital. A day later we returned home to an anxious 9 and 5 year old who had yet to be told about the outcome of Grace’s birth. Our oldest son was crushed and emotionally charged from the news of Grace’s passing. What came next will forever be a memory about the gift of love our children present us with everyday. Our 5 year old Caden was taking a bath shortly after we returned home from my sister’s house. Adam was extremely upset and crying about the news of Grace’s death. Caden called Adam into the bathroom and in a calm and reassuring voice simply told his brother- “you need to feel it in your heart.” Adam thanked his little brother while my husband and I stood in mere awe of the innocent expression of a child. The rest of the evening both of our boys commented on the different thoughts they had in regards to Grace and how amazing her short existence had been.
The impact this beautiful soul had on our family and so many we won’t ever know of, is the power and gift God gives us in our children. They teach us every lesson we will ever need to know about ourselves and the world around us. The gifts I received from the love Grace had for us all will never be forgotten and will always be cherished. “…I know no more now than I ever did about the far side of death as the last letting- go of all, but now I know that I do not need to know, and that I do not need to be afraid of not knowing. God knows. That is all that matters.” –Frederick Buechner
2007 Tara Paterson, All Rights Reserved