Iowa legislators remove “Idiots”, regulate deer contraceptives and honor the channel catfish
Dan Brawner
March 11, 2007
Long-time speaker of the House, Thomas “Tip” O’Neill used to say that all politics is local. And it’s our local state government representatives that agonize over the stuff that’s really important to the average person–like regulating deer contraceptives and toughening the standard as to what constitutes drunk boating.
This year, Iowa legislators are debating whether or not to replace the term “idiot” in the state constitution with “mentally incompetent”. I, for one, am prepared to accept whatever my representatives decide on this issue because there is no group whose members have heard both terms more often-- so they might just as well pick whichever one suits them.
As the April 6 “funnel” deadline for Iowa legislation approaches, only the most ital proposals survive–like the one designating the channel cat as the official state fish and the one making school bullying a criminal offense. When I was in grade school, a bully would have been glad to get a night in the hoosgow instead of what was usually waiting for him at third period recess.
Among the potential bills that have not won sufficient support to stay in the game is tougher penalties for beating up sports officials. Because, seriously, anybody who wears a striped shirt and runs back and forth shouting and blowing a whistle while folks are trying to watch the game can’t expect a lot of mercy.
Another bill that failed to make the cut was one directing school boards to ban the sale of unhealthy food items in middle and high schools. I think what they meant was “unhealthful” foods, although what our school cafeteria called “lasagna” did sometimes look as though it had contracted the plague.
One proposal was eliminated early, but it wasn’t for lack of agreeable wording. This bill would have allowed “justifiable use of reasonable force.” Now who could argue with that? Maybe opponents figured what it meant in practice would be inviting law enforcement officers to pound the pudding out of somebody for no apparent reason.
One of the most interesting proposals that failed to garner support would have required gas stations to advertise and sell fuel on a whole-cent basis. I don’t know what real difference this would have made, since nobody actually believes two dollars and ninety-nine-point-nine cents a gallon is a swell deal compared to three bucks. But it would be nice to show those gas station owners that we’re not as gullible as they think. In general, our legislators are working hard to make sure Iowa continues to be a kinder and gentler place. It appears injured workers will get their choice of doctors, the state will do its best to limit greenhouse gases and pay our teachers more. Communities will be encouraged to develop wind energy programs and employees with new-born babies will get special home visits.
Another popular saying is that the legislative process is like making sausage: just enjoy the finished product and be glad you didn’t watch it being made. And whatever our lawmakers decide about deer contraceptives, I’d be just as glad if they kept the details to themselves.
This year, Iowa legislators are debating whether or not to replace the term “idiot” in the state constitution with “mentally incompetent”. I, for one, am prepared to accept whatever my representatives decide on this issue because there is no group whose members have heard both terms more often-- so they might just as well pick whichever one suits them.
As the April 6 “funnel” deadline for Iowa legislation approaches, only the most ital proposals survive–like the one designating the channel cat as the official state fish and the one making school bullying a criminal offense. When I was in grade school, a bully would have been glad to get a night in the hoosgow instead of what was usually waiting for him at third period recess.
Among the potential bills that have not won sufficient support to stay in the game is tougher penalties for beating up sports officials. Because, seriously, anybody who wears a striped shirt and runs back and forth shouting and blowing a whistle while folks are trying to watch the game can’t expect a lot of mercy.
Another bill that failed to make the cut was one directing school boards to ban the sale of unhealthy food items in middle and high schools. I think what they meant was “unhealthful” foods, although what our school cafeteria called “lasagna” did sometimes look as though it had contracted the plague.
One proposal was eliminated early, but it wasn’t for lack of agreeable wording. This bill would have allowed “justifiable use of reasonable force.” Now who could argue with that? Maybe opponents figured what it meant in practice would be inviting law enforcement officers to pound the pudding out of somebody for no apparent reason.
One of the most interesting proposals that failed to garner support would have required gas stations to advertise and sell fuel on a whole-cent basis. I don’t know what real difference this would have made, since nobody actually believes two dollars and ninety-nine-point-nine cents a gallon is a swell deal compared to three bucks. But it would be nice to show those gas station owners that we’re not as gullible as they think. In general, our legislators are working hard to make sure Iowa continues to be a kinder and gentler place. It appears injured workers will get their choice of doctors, the state will do its best to limit greenhouse gases and pay our teachers more. Communities will be encouraged to develop wind energy programs and employees with new-born babies will get special home visits.
Another popular saying is that the legislative process is like making sausage: just enjoy the finished product and be glad you didn’t watch it being made. And whatever our lawmakers decide about deer contraceptives, I’d be just as glad if they kept the details to themselves.