YOU’RE RIGHT AND I’M WRONG: HOW TO WIN AT ARGUING!
Peter Andrew Sacco, Ph.D.
February 25, 2007
Thank you to all the readers who have sent me wonderful feedback on the series of articles I wrote on anger management and my new book What’s Your Anger Type? I am glad I have been of some service to you and I am hoping my book has been of great help!
I have had many e-mails asking me, “What is the best way to shut down conflict or an argument immediately?” I am glad you ask but I don’t know if you are going to like my answer. Furthermore, I don’t know how much your ego will accept my advice should you be all about winning arguments. With that said, I am going to throw out to you which I consider a nearly full proof way to de-escalate any anger-filled situation. The e-mails I received from readers explained how they were always bickering or arguing with spouses, children, parents, other family members, co-workers, bosses and friends. In a nut shell, it was those closest to them they were emotionally involved with who had the greatest ability to stir their ire.
Whenever confronted with a situation on the verge of provoking prolonged conflict or anger, tell the other person, “You’re right and I am wrong.” Folks, it may sound like a cop out, surrender or cheesy way out, but guess what…It works! Most people argue for the sake of arguing. They argue to feel powerful. They argue because they want to be right. Some just argue for the attention and a sense of acceptance. Telling others, “You’re right and I am wrong,” caters to these agendas.
When others you are arguing with first hear this statement, they are either blown away with confusion characteristic of an episode of the Twilight Zone, or they continue to argue with you because they have misunderstood what you just said. Once you restate it to them, they too will shift into Rod Serling/Twilight Zone mode. Saying this with some conviction and sincerity will blindside most people. They have absolutely no way of figuring out how to respond because they are caught off guard. What it does is immediately take one’s mind out of argumentative mode and shift it to interpretation mode. They are the one’s trying to figure out, “What just happened?” While their mind is processing and still trying to analyze, this is your chance to exit stage right!
I offer this anger management strategy for those with really bad anger or for those who are tired of the same arguments with the same people. From the thousands I have worked with and who have applied my principles, I know they work because they tell me. Most will say that once they can get past their own egos to come up with the moxie to say, “You’re right and I am wrong,” they are on their way to smooth sailing. It takes time and practice but what do you have to lose…Perhaps your sanity?
To learn more about What’s Your Anger Type? and the strategies to overcome your anger, visit www.petersacco.com and take the free anger management test or visit www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com.
I have had many e-mails asking me, “What is the best way to shut down conflict or an argument immediately?” I am glad you ask but I don’t know if you are going to like my answer. Furthermore, I don’t know how much your ego will accept my advice should you be all about winning arguments. With that said, I am going to throw out to you which I consider a nearly full proof way to de-escalate any anger-filled situation. The e-mails I received from readers explained how they were always bickering or arguing with spouses, children, parents, other family members, co-workers, bosses and friends. In a nut shell, it was those closest to them they were emotionally involved with who had the greatest ability to stir their ire.
Whenever confronted with a situation on the verge of provoking prolonged conflict or anger, tell the other person, “You’re right and I am wrong.” Folks, it may sound like a cop out, surrender or cheesy way out, but guess what…It works! Most people argue for the sake of arguing. They argue to feel powerful. They argue because they want to be right. Some just argue for the attention and a sense of acceptance. Telling others, “You’re right and I am wrong,” caters to these agendas.
When others you are arguing with first hear this statement, they are either blown away with confusion characteristic of an episode of the Twilight Zone, or they continue to argue with you because they have misunderstood what you just said. Once you restate it to them, they too will shift into Rod Serling/Twilight Zone mode. Saying this with some conviction and sincerity will blindside most people. They have absolutely no way of figuring out how to respond because they are caught off guard. What it does is immediately take one’s mind out of argumentative mode and shift it to interpretation mode. They are the one’s trying to figure out, “What just happened?” While their mind is processing and still trying to analyze, this is your chance to exit stage right!
I offer this anger management strategy for those with really bad anger or for those who are tired of the same arguments with the same people. From the thousands I have worked with and who have applied my principles, I know they work because they tell me. Most will say that once they can get past their own egos to come up with the moxie to say, “You’re right and I am wrong,” they are on their way to smooth sailing. It takes time and practice but what do you have to lose…Perhaps your sanity?
To learn more about What’s Your Anger Type? and the strategies to overcome your anger, visit www.petersacco.com and take the free anger management test or visit www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com.