Florida city confronted by manatee mess
Dan Liftman
October 27, 2009
Vero Beach, Florida residents arriving at their favorite public beach one recent morning were confronted by hundreds of piles of a smelly mess which biologists determined was manatee excrement. One guessed that strong winds may have stirred up the ocean bottom, causing the mess to wash ashore. Everyone was surprised, though, when media received a message from a manatee that lives in the area.
Identifying himself only as "Mick," the large sea creature stated forcefully his outrage and that of all manatees over "the lack of respect we get from humans. Boaters race through our waters, killing dozens of us every year," he said. "I have ten stitches in my head from being run over by a jet ski last summer. We´re sick and damn tired of it. Your public service announcements call us friendly, gentle creatures and urge people to respect us, but do they listen? Hell, no! So, we decided to leave you a few ´presents.´"
Mick went on to say that he and several other manatees attended a party outside Jimmy Buffett´s Palm Beach home recently. "We had a very nice time dining on lettuce, spinach and cabbage. We especially enjoyed the broccoli liqueur Jimmy had ordered especially for us. He´s a rarity, though. On our way back north, two of my friends, who admittedly had imbibed too much, ended up being sucked into an intake pipe at the FPL plant. It took hours to get them out and they nearly drowned. Why the hell must they put those things along our migration routes?"
Reacting to Mick´s charge, FPL Vice President Julio Luz said, "That was a very unfortunate incident. We have many safeguards in place to avoid such calamities. We have no control over manatees that are drunk, however." Vero Beach resident Miriam Katz, who came to the beach to spend the day frolicking in the surf with her grandchildren, expressed sympathy for the manatees, but added, "Couldn´t they have just sent some kind of petition to our city commission demanding slower boating speeds? My grandsons ran up to that mess and began throwing it at each other for fun before we knew what it was. Even after they showered twice, we had to ride home with the windows rolled down."
Vero Beach Mayor Carl Carpenter also sympathized, but insisted "They were out of line. They had no business fouling our public beach." In response, Mick said that "things must change. Manatees are at great risk. Our numbers are shrinking every year because of human indifference. Next time, you won´t find our "gifts" just on your beach." Seizing on Katz´s idea, he said, "We´ll have them delivered to your city commission and prominent citizens by FedEx and UPS! There´ll be manatee pee in your pool, fool!"
Identifying himself only as "Mick," the large sea creature stated forcefully his outrage and that of all manatees over "the lack of respect we get from humans. Boaters race through our waters, killing dozens of us every year," he said. "I have ten stitches in my head from being run over by a jet ski last summer. We´re sick and damn tired of it. Your public service announcements call us friendly, gentle creatures and urge people to respect us, but do they listen? Hell, no! So, we decided to leave you a few ´presents.´"
Mick went on to say that he and several other manatees attended a party outside Jimmy Buffett´s Palm Beach home recently. "We had a very nice time dining on lettuce, spinach and cabbage. We especially enjoyed the broccoli liqueur Jimmy had ordered especially for us. He´s a rarity, though. On our way back north, two of my friends, who admittedly had imbibed too much, ended up being sucked into an intake pipe at the FPL plant. It took hours to get them out and they nearly drowned. Why the hell must they put those things along our migration routes?"
Reacting to Mick´s charge, FPL Vice President Julio Luz said, "That was a very unfortunate incident. We have many safeguards in place to avoid such calamities. We have no control over manatees that are drunk, however." Vero Beach resident Miriam Katz, who came to the beach to spend the day frolicking in the surf with her grandchildren, expressed sympathy for the manatees, but added, "Couldn´t they have just sent some kind of petition to our city commission demanding slower boating speeds? My grandsons ran up to that mess and began throwing it at each other for fun before we knew what it was. Even after they showered twice, we had to ride home with the windows rolled down."
Vero Beach Mayor Carl Carpenter also sympathized, but insisted "They were out of line. They had no business fouling our public beach." In response, Mick said that "things must change. Manatees are at great risk. Our numbers are shrinking every year because of human indifference. Next time, you won´t find our "gifts" just on your beach." Seizing on Katz´s idea, he said, "We´ll have them delivered to your city commission and prominent citizens by FedEx and UPS! There´ll be manatee pee in your pool, fool!"