The Art of Living
M. Orhan Tarhan
July 01, 2009
P R E F A C E
As far as we know, we live only once. Therefore it stands to reason that we should make the best of it. That is the subject of these articles.
Living can be made into an art by knowing as much as possible about it and by being able to control it, so that we can live the kind of life we desire. There is much to know about the various aspects of our lives, that the ordinary person doesn´t even suspects. These articles discuss these various aspects and equip the reader with the tools to control his/her own life.
As it turns out, the most important tool we have is our mind. Consequently, the most important human activity is thinking. It governs and determines all our other activities.
While most people would describe different kinds of life as the one they would like to live, they would all agree on one point: that they would all like to be happy. These articles tell us that man makes his own happiness by understanding and controlling his own life. Yet, there is no magic formula he can use to become happy. The road to happiness is paved with much hard work, sweat, tears, search for excellence, and search for wisdom. These articles show the reader the various ways to get on this road, but it is up to him to walk on it and to go where he wants to go.
Although these articles are written for individual people, there is no escaping from the fact that man is a social animal and that he can only be happy in a society that suits him. Thus I had to talk about the society as well. It is not possible to consider a person "in vitro", i.e., to isolate him from all social influences in discussing the planning and controlling of his life. Thus references to such influences are to be found in all articles, almost woven into the fabric of the subject matter throughout these articles.
These articles are intended for anyone who values his/her life and wants to be happy. It is not aimed exclusively at the intellectual few, but at the majority of people. I tried to write in simple understandable English, even when I was discussing complex philosophical matters. When I first began to write the original manuscript, my wife questioned my qualifications for such an enterprise. She asked how I could write such a book without being either an expert psychologist, sociologist, or pedagogue. (a). I said that none of these disciplines are exact sciences and so-called experts in one of them often disagree and contradict another expert in the same field and there is no absolute way of saying who is right. In natural sciences, experiments can decide any such controversy in a matter of hours or days, but in social sciences experiments take a quarter of a century and by that time most people have forgotten what the question was in the first place; (b) if those experts are so good, why are we in the mess we are in? Consequently there are really no true experts of our way of living. Anyone who can think clearly, has an analytical mind, and is willing to do his home work is entitled to write about it. This is not a subject for experts, but a field for good thinking.
Besides there is always a very personal side to a subject of this kind that has nothing to do with expertise. My 91 years of life has been quite eventful. I was born at the end of World War I in Turkey and grew up during the Turkish Independence War, often riding on front of my father´s saddle, who was a division commander. I made my university education during World War II in Hitler´s Germany, once running away from a bridge that was hit by dive bombers. I then quietly observed the Korean and Vietnam wars from the safety of the United States without anyone in my family being involved. I was fortunate to get an excellent education and to become highly motivated early in my youth. Life took me to three continents; my grand-children are now talking a different language than my parents did. During the last 50 years I observed the greatest technological and social changes in this country. That represents more change than most people in the world usually experience. Change and events are the best teachers in life and I have been an eager learner. I hope, I will be able to pass on some of that to my readers.
I N T R O D U C T I O N
In 1939 a well-known French writer by the name of Andre Maurois published a book titled "Un art de vivre" (= An art of living) [Librairie Plon, Paris, 1939] in which he discussed only five aspects of our lives: the art of thinking, the art of loving, the art of working, the art of commanding, and the art of growing old. He would not be French, of course, if he would not have written about love. Of course living does not consist of only these five functions. However, Maurois was able to write quite an interesting book by concentrating on these aspects, which he apparently knew best.
I read this book by the Fall of 1939 in a little steel town in Turkey, called Karabuk, while I was temporarily prevented by the war to continue my studies in Germany. The part that interested me most was something the book did not even discuss. In order to be able to talk about the art of living, I thought, it was necessary to assume (a) that our lives are substantially in our own control and (b) that we know the path through which we can achieve happiness. This concept of controlling our own lives and the making of an art from this control have since occupied my mind.
The study of history shows that until almost the 20th century, an overwhelming majority of mankind lived under illness, misery, wars, and without any security. They were at the mercy of all sorts of tyrants. Only a small number of tyrants (like kings, emperors, sultans), aristocrats, and wealthy people enjoying the protection of these tyrants could live a somewhat comfortable life. A reasonably secure life became possible for the masses in the Western countries only in the 20th century. Even in the period, when Andre Maurois was writing his book, very few people in Europe, including Maurois himself, could feel that their lives were fully under their control. Remember Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini?
Thus. In order to be able to discuss the control of our lives, we must consider people who are politically and economically free.. Some people say that no one can have these freedoms 100 %. All of us are born into a given political system. Our ability to change that system, if we do not like it, or our ability to move to another political system are limited. That is certainly very true for a large fraction of the world population. However, most of the citizens of the Western countries are today reasonably free to control their own lives, both economically and politically.
We should perhaps dwell a while on this question of controlling our own lives and on what it really means. Let us consider two extremes.. One extreme is the proverbial prisoner who is physically tied from his arms and feet to the wall of the prison. Obviously, he does not control his life at all. He cannot even end his life, because he is all tied up. The other extreme is the young, healthy, and rich heir who lives in a free society, who does not have to work for a living and can practically do anything she pleases. She could have practically full control of her life. These extreme cases are quite rare and most people in the world fall somewhere between them, some closer to one extreme than others. Of course, limitations to our control are legion. Look at your own life.
We can control our own lives only inside the boundaries of our limitations. Whether these boundaries frame a narrow elbow room or a vast field of action, is really of secondary importance. The important thing is that we have the wisdom and the will to plan and to control our actions. This may lead to success and happiness, irrespective of the size of the area framed by our limitations. Actually, it seems to me that a knowledgeable and vigorous control is the more necessary, the more limitations a person faces.
During our childhood and early youth, the control of our lives is in the hand of our parents. Thus, we will be prepared for adult life according to the wishes of our parents. We will first discuss that preparation. Then we will review the activities of the individual like reading and writing.
Much of our life depends on our relationship with the people around us. .Thus, we will discuss a series of subjects such as relations with other people, friendship, love, marriage, and family life. Then we cannot ignore the society we are living in.
Then we will get into the aging individual´s preparation for retirement and the art of growing old healthily and gracefully.
Finally we will try to make some overall sense out of all the things we discussed and we will hope to eventually reach happiness and wisdom.
As far as we know, we live only once. Therefore it stands to reason that we should make the best of it. That is the subject of these articles.
Living can be made into an art by knowing as much as possible about it and by being able to control it, so that we can live the kind of life we desire. There is much to know about the various aspects of our lives, that the ordinary person doesn´t even suspects. These articles discuss these various aspects and equip the reader with the tools to control his/her own life.
As it turns out, the most important tool we have is our mind. Consequently, the most important human activity is thinking. It governs and determines all our other activities.
While most people would describe different kinds of life as the one they would like to live, they would all agree on one point: that they would all like to be happy. These articles tell us that man makes his own happiness by understanding and controlling his own life. Yet, there is no magic formula he can use to become happy. The road to happiness is paved with much hard work, sweat, tears, search for excellence, and search for wisdom. These articles show the reader the various ways to get on this road, but it is up to him to walk on it and to go where he wants to go.
Although these articles are written for individual people, there is no escaping from the fact that man is a social animal and that he can only be happy in a society that suits him. Thus I had to talk about the society as well. It is not possible to consider a person "in vitro", i.e., to isolate him from all social influences in discussing the planning and controlling of his life. Thus references to such influences are to be found in all articles, almost woven into the fabric of the subject matter throughout these articles.
These articles are intended for anyone who values his/her life and wants to be happy. It is not aimed exclusively at the intellectual few, but at the majority of people. I tried to write in simple understandable English, even when I was discussing complex philosophical matters. When I first began to write the original manuscript, my wife questioned my qualifications for such an enterprise. She asked how I could write such a book without being either an expert psychologist, sociologist, or pedagogue. (a). I said that none of these disciplines are exact sciences and so-called experts in one of them often disagree and contradict another expert in the same field and there is no absolute way of saying who is right. In natural sciences, experiments can decide any such controversy in a matter of hours or days, but in social sciences experiments take a quarter of a century and by that time most people have forgotten what the question was in the first place; (b) if those experts are so good, why are we in the mess we are in? Consequently there are really no true experts of our way of living. Anyone who can think clearly, has an analytical mind, and is willing to do his home work is entitled to write about it. This is not a subject for experts, but a field for good thinking.
Besides there is always a very personal side to a subject of this kind that has nothing to do with expertise. My 91 years of life has been quite eventful. I was born at the end of World War I in Turkey and grew up during the Turkish Independence War, often riding on front of my father´s saddle, who was a division commander. I made my university education during World War II in Hitler´s Germany, once running away from a bridge that was hit by dive bombers. I then quietly observed the Korean and Vietnam wars from the safety of the United States without anyone in my family being involved. I was fortunate to get an excellent education and to become highly motivated early in my youth. Life took me to three continents; my grand-children are now talking a different language than my parents did. During the last 50 years I observed the greatest technological and social changes in this country. That represents more change than most people in the world usually experience. Change and events are the best teachers in life and I have been an eager learner. I hope, I will be able to pass on some of that to my readers.
I N T R O D U C T I O N
In 1939 a well-known French writer by the name of Andre Maurois published a book titled "Un art de vivre" (= An art of living) [Librairie Plon, Paris, 1939] in which he discussed only five aspects of our lives: the art of thinking, the art of loving, the art of working, the art of commanding, and the art of growing old. He would not be French, of course, if he would not have written about love. Of course living does not consist of only these five functions. However, Maurois was able to write quite an interesting book by concentrating on these aspects, which he apparently knew best.
I read this book by the Fall of 1939 in a little steel town in Turkey, called Karabuk, while I was temporarily prevented by the war to continue my studies in Germany. The part that interested me most was something the book did not even discuss. In order to be able to talk about the art of living, I thought, it was necessary to assume (a) that our lives are substantially in our own control and (b) that we know the path through which we can achieve happiness. This concept of controlling our own lives and the making of an art from this control have since occupied my mind.
The study of history shows that until almost the 20th century, an overwhelming majority of mankind lived under illness, misery, wars, and without any security. They were at the mercy of all sorts of tyrants. Only a small number of tyrants (like kings, emperors, sultans), aristocrats, and wealthy people enjoying the protection of these tyrants could live a somewhat comfortable life. A reasonably secure life became possible for the masses in the Western countries only in the 20th century. Even in the period, when Andre Maurois was writing his book, very few people in Europe, including Maurois himself, could feel that their lives were fully under their control. Remember Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini?
Thus. In order to be able to discuss the control of our lives, we must consider people who are politically and economically free.. Some people say that no one can have these freedoms 100 %. All of us are born into a given political system. Our ability to change that system, if we do not like it, or our ability to move to another political system are limited. That is certainly very true for a large fraction of the world population. However, most of the citizens of the Western countries are today reasonably free to control their own lives, both economically and politically.
We should perhaps dwell a while on this question of controlling our own lives and on what it really means. Let us consider two extremes.. One extreme is the proverbial prisoner who is physically tied from his arms and feet to the wall of the prison. Obviously, he does not control his life at all. He cannot even end his life, because he is all tied up. The other extreme is the young, healthy, and rich heir who lives in a free society, who does not have to work for a living and can practically do anything she pleases. She could have practically full control of her life. These extreme cases are quite rare and most people in the world fall somewhere between them, some closer to one extreme than others. Of course, limitations to our control are legion. Look at your own life.
We can control our own lives only inside the boundaries of our limitations. Whether these boundaries frame a narrow elbow room or a vast field of action, is really of secondary importance. The important thing is that we have the wisdom and the will to plan and to control our actions. This may lead to success and happiness, irrespective of the size of the area framed by our limitations. Actually, it seems to me that a knowledgeable and vigorous control is the more necessary, the more limitations a person faces.
During our childhood and early youth, the control of our lives is in the hand of our parents. Thus, we will be prepared for adult life according to the wishes of our parents. We will first discuss that preparation. Then we will review the activities of the individual like reading and writing.
Much of our life depends on our relationship with the people around us. .Thus, we will discuss a series of subjects such as relations with other people, friendship, love, marriage, and family life. Then we cannot ignore the society we are living in.
Then we will get into the aging individual´s preparation for retirement and the art of growing old healthily and gracefully.
Finally we will try to make some overall sense out of all the things we discussed and we will hope to eventually reach happiness and wisdom.