Interview with Dr. Ronald J. Frederick, Author of Living Like You Mean It
Dorothy Thompson
June 08, 2009
A long-time proponent of the transforming power of emotion, he co-founded the Center for Courageous Living, which offers innovative therapy, coaching and consulting. Noted for his warmth, humor, and engaging presentation style, he lectures and facilitates workshops nationally.
Frederick is a senior faculty member of the Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) Institute, as well as the Clinical Supervisor of Park House, an outpatient program at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis.
Thank you for this interview, Dr. Frederick. Can you tell us briefly what your latest book, Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want, is all about?
Living Like You Mean It is a self-help book published by Jossey-Bass, a division of Wiley. Based on cutting-edge science, it shares my proven four-step approach to overcoming fear and becoming more emotionally present in one's life and relationships.
Can you tell us what or who was the inspiration behind your book?
I was inspired to write Living Like You Mean It by my own life-changing experience. I was in my early thirties, had just finished my doctoral studies, and despite having everything going for me, I hit a wall. I was in relationship I frequently questioned and doubted and found myself filled with trepidation and fear about moving forward. I ended up in therapy and discovered, rather surprisingly, that the anxiety I was experiencing at the time had so much to do with being uncomfortable with what I really felt deep down inside. I had become so afraid of my emotions, of listening to and trusting my true feelings, that I couldnīt hear the voice of my deepest self buried somewhere inside me—the voice that knew what I wanted, knew what I longed for, knew what felt right to me and what felt wrong. I might have gone on doubting myself forever had I not gotten the help I needed to recognize what, in fact, I really was afraid of and to learn how to overcome my fears, accept and embrace my emotional self, and really connect with others. The experience changed my life. My anxiety decreased, I stopped doubting myself and felt much more confident and in touch with my personal truth. I found it much easier to be emotionally present and felt closer to the people in my life. Ultimately, I found the courage to listen to and trust my heart and move forward, to leave the relationship I was in, and to realize the kind of relationship and life I had dreamed of having.
When you have an experience like that, when your life is changed in such a dramatic way, you want to spread the good stuff around. The more people Iīve been able to help, and the more I witness the dramatic changes that can take place when we develop the ability to be with and share our feelings, the more I have felt compelled to spread the word. I guess you can say that itīs become a mission for me: to help people to wake up to their feelings and get the lives they really want. I wrote this book to help people how to do just that.
Is this your first published book and if so, can you tell us your experiences in finding a publisher for it?
Yes, this is my first published book. Before I could find a publisher I first had to get a literary agent. It was a long process. I worked on my proposal for about a year before I attempted to get literary representation. Over the course of two years, I did about three rounds of submissions to literary agents. After the first round of rejections, I went back to the drawing board and worked on my proposal (which included the first three chapters of the book) with a writing coach for about a year and then tried again. After the second round of rejections, I decided to hire both an editorial consultant and a marketing consultant, both of whom were recommended to me by colleagues and turned out to be extremely helpful. I then did my third round of submissions and, fortunately, two agents came forward who wanted to work with me. Interestingly, both of them remarked that my proposal was far better than most things that come across their desk. I guess all the work paid off! Shortly thereafter, the agent I decided to go with began pitching my book to the different publishing houses and within a few weeks we had offers from two.
How has Jossey-Bass been to work with?
I got a couple offers on my book and chose to go with Jossey-Bass, which is a division of Wiley. It was an easy choice because they have a great reputation and had made a solid offer. Also, I was very impressed with the acquisitions editor who ended up also working with me on my book. She really "got" what I was writing about and approached the whole process, from my first interview with her to the offer letter to working with her, with such integrity. It just felt right in my gut and it was. In the end, I couldnīt have been more pleased with them. They were terrific to work with.
Do you have an agent?
Iīm with Vigliano Associates in NYC. The agent there that represented me on this book was Dan Ambrosio. Iīm now working with James McGinniss at Vigliano.
Can you tell us how long it took you to write your book and also how long it took from the time your publisher sent the contract and the time it was released?
Well, I worked on the first three chapters, which were part of my book proposal, for over two years. Once I signed the contract with my publisher, I then had eight months to finish the book. Nine month after that it was on the bookshelves for sale.
Do you have any words of inspiration from other writers who would like to be wearing your shoes?
Getting a book published has so much to do with being tenacious. For me, it was four years from start to finish, with many road blocks along the way. Iīm so glad that I persevered despite all the rejection, all the hurdles, all the down times. That I reached out to others for help and that I stuck with it as long as I did. I can hardly believe it sometimes when Iīm holding the book in my hands that itīs actually come to fruition. Itīs been quite a ride. So, donīt despair. Hang in there and keep at it!
Whatīs next for you?
Currently, Iīm working on promoting Living Like You Mean It which is pretty much a full-time job. Iīm also beginning to develop an audio series based on concepts in the book that will help people experience more joy in their lives.
Thank you for this interview, Dr. Frederick. Can you tell us how we can find out more about you and your new book?
Sure! You can find out more about me and my new book at: www.livinglikeyoumeanit.