About Kirstie Alley, Tori Spelling, High School Drop-Outs, Cell Phones and Attention!
Alice Aspen March
May 21, 2009
The above title has four subjects that we´ve all seen in the media abundantly these past few months.
Tori and Kirstie have been on the covers of popular magazines. High School drop-outs and cell phones have made the back pages often.
Tori is too thin; Kirstie is too fat. High School drop-rate is still not declining enough nationally and is at an "unacceptable high" in California, according to the State's Superintendent of Public Instruction´s statistics´. And Chris Erskine, a wonderful writer in the Los Angeles Times is talking about cell rehab! Love that thought!!!
Tori Spelling isn´t the only celebrity daughter who has looked like she´s starving for attention; some decades ago Pat Boone´s daughter Cherrie, actually wrote a book entitled, Starving for Attention. And Kristie Alley is not the only celebrity who´s gained back all the pounds she recently lost on a public diet. Oprah has exhibited similar behavior. Tori speaks openly about her childhood, regretting the lack of connection she´s felt with her mother and how she got the attention she needed from her father. Now that her mother, Candy, has written a personal book, Tori claims she´s worried about what´s in it. I certainly have great compassion for her and other daughters who have not been able to arrive at a nurturing mother-daughter relationship. I know personally that it sometimes takes a very long time to achieve this place, and once there, it´s a precious connection. Daughters have to complete their mother-relationship to really round out their inner lives, and, I think, to proceed to be "good-enough" mothers to their kids, our next generation.
Kristie talks openly of her shame, humiliation and self-hatred upon gaining more than all the weight she lost, while she had her Jenny Craig gig. She´s obviously achieved fame and fortune. I have to wonder what she´s really hungering for and how long has she been on this journey. Perhaps, it´s just not enough to scrutinize your calories and exercise like a demon; maybe it takes inner work, too!
And our high school kids are desperately seeking support and understanding, the listening, the attention they need in school. When teens fail to feel safe, respected, inspired, they lose interest, become alienated and withdraw. Teachers can make huge impacts, when they give their students the kinds of specific attention they need to stretch, to imagine and create, to believe in themselves. There are currently enough examples of wonderful schools making major differences with this age group and sending motivated kids off to college. We don´t need to reinvent the wheel. We need to replicate what works.
So why have I chosen to link two celebrities to high school drop-outs and cell phones? Good question. Here´s my answer. It´s all about Attention. Weight gain, weight loss, dropping out are all examples of attention-getting behavior.
And cell phones are getting in the way of personal attention between people and also invading public spaces. How about the young father who takes his daughter out for lunch and is having a delightful time with her, until his cell rings? He answers it, talks while his daughter turns around on her chair and will not turn back to talk to him for the rest of their lunch together. How about the pre-teen girls who put their cells down by their places on a party table, when they arrive at a birthday party for one of their friends? It´s not too hard to figure out that they will be texting during the party! How about when the lights go down at a ballet or a dramatic theatre and little white lights shine throughout the audience? No matter how old or young we are, our attention and our spaces are being invaded by the need we have to be attached to our cells.
Cell phones seem to have crossed all boundaries, except where there are deliberate signs posted. I am hereby advocating for more signs in restaurants, spas, stores, in check-out lines, at games, in medical offices, and everywhere people are sharing the same space. How about the cashier who wrote in a newspaper article how invisible and discarded she felt, as all the shoppers cell-phoning went through her line and didn´t even look at her? She finally got so furious, she started hiding some of the purchases they´d made under her counter, before they reached the packer.
There´s research coming out that even with driving restrictions in place, some 40% are ignoring them. I hear that people walk across streets now not paying any attention to the traffic around them, while they talk and text. Those moments are just accidents waiting to happen. I would call this addictive behavior.
Yes, attention does play a bottom-line role in everyone´s life, for life: paying attention, getting attention, giving attention, needing attention. I wonder what it´s going to take us planet people to realize the simplicity of something so hugely important?
Tori and Kirstie have been on the covers of popular magazines. High School drop-outs and cell phones have made the back pages often.
Tori is too thin; Kirstie is too fat. High School drop-rate is still not declining enough nationally and is at an "unacceptable high" in California, according to the State's Superintendent of Public Instruction´s statistics´. And Chris Erskine, a wonderful writer in the Los Angeles Times is talking about cell rehab! Love that thought!!!
Tori Spelling isn´t the only celebrity daughter who has looked like she´s starving for attention; some decades ago Pat Boone´s daughter Cherrie, actually wrote a book entitled, Starving for Attention. And Kristie Alley is not the only celebrity who´s gained back all the pounds she recently lost on a public diet. Oprah has exhibited similar behavior. Tori speaks openly about her childhood, regretting the lack of connection she´s felt with her mother and how she got the attention she needed from her father. Now that her mother, Candy, has written a personal book, Tori claims she´s worried about what´s in it. I certainly have great compassion for her and other daughters who have not been able to arrive at a nurturing mother-daughter relationship. I know personally that it sometimes takes a very long time to achieve this place, and once there, it´s a precious connection. Daughters have to complete their mother-relationship to really round out their inner lives, and, I think, to proceed to be "good-enough" mothers to their kids, our next generation.
Kristie talks openly of her shame, humiliation and self-hatred upon gaining more than all the weight she lost, while she had her Jenny Craig gig. She´s obviously achieved fame and fortune. I have to wonder what she´s really hungering for and how long has she been on this journey. Perhaps, it´s just not enough to scrutinize your calories and exercise like a demon; maybe it takes inner work, too!
And our high school kids are desperately seeking support and understanding, the listening, the attention they need in school. When teens fail to feel safe, respected, inspired, they lose interest, become alienated and withdraw. Teachers can make huge impacts, when they give their students the kinds of specific attention they need to stretch, to imagine and create, to believe in themselves. There are currently enough examples of wonderful schools making major differences with this age group and sending motivated kids off to college. We don´t need to reinvent the wheel. We need to replicate what works.
So why have I chosen to link two celebrities to high school drop-outs and cell phones? Good question. Here´s my answer. It´s all about Attention. Weight gain, weight loss, dropping out are all examples of attention-getting behavior.
And cell phones are getting in the way of personal attention between people and also invading public spaces. How about the young father who takes his daughter out for lunch and is having a delightful time with her, until his cell rings? He answers it, talks while his daughter turns around on her chair and will not turn back to talk to him for the rest of their lunch together. How about the pre-teen girls who put their cells down by their places on a party table, when they arrive at a birthday party for one of their friends? It´s not too hard to figure out that they will be texting during the party! How about when the lights go down at a ballet or a dramatic theatre and little white lights shine throughout the audience? No matter how old or young we are, our attention and our spaces are being invaded by the need we have to be attached to our cells.
Cell phones seem to have crossed all boundaries, except where there are deliberate signs posted. I am hereby advocating for more signs in restaurants, spas, stores, in check-out lines, at games, in medical offices, and everywhere people are sharing the same space. How about the cashier who wrote in a newspaper article how invisible and discarded she felt, as all the shoppers cell-phoning went through her line and didn´t even look at her? She finally got so furious, she started hiding some of the purchases they´d made under her counter, before they reached the packer.
There´s research coming out that even with driving restrictions in place, some 40% are ignoring them. I hear that people walk across streets now not paying any attention to the traffic around them, while they talk and text. Those moments are just accidents waiting to happen. I would call this addictive behavior.
Yes, attention does play a bottom-line role in everyone´s life, for life: paying attention, getting attention, giving attention, needing attention. I wonder what it´s going to take us planet people to realize the simplicity of something so hugely important?